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It was Sunday, December 3rd, the night before my French Final at 10 a.m. Monday morning. Around 9:00 p.m. I set my French text down after having studied three hours that day. To try and reduce my nervous feelings about the final, I turned on my computer and played a collection of techno music I had downloaded. I spent the next two hours listening to a collection of hits like Around The World by Daft Punk, Seven Nation Army by Benny Benassi, and Castles in the Sky by DJ Sammy, trying desperately to soothe my Finals Week anxiety. Around 11:45, I stopped the music and shut my computer off, then decided to read a Sailor Moon manga I had acquired months before.
At midnight on Monday, December 4th, I set the manga down and eventually went to sleep around 12:30. That was when the fun began in earnest.
I heard a dim, pulsing sound similar to that of a human heart coupled with that of people dancing and shouting at random times. Then I felt a sensation like someone was stepping on me. As I was rising to my feet, my hands touched cold concrete on a rain-soaked street just outside of what appeared to be the entrance to a club. When I finally stood up, I instinctively looked into the sky and saw a full moon just as a light snow began to fall. While I was observing the strange surroundings, I took a moment to look at myself to make certain no mischievous rogues had made off with any of my clothing or possessions.
When I gazed at myself, I had on the armor of Zero from Mega Man X3! The familiar red, black, and white color scheme was present in all of its glory... I felt my head and was wearing his distinctive helmet! Feeling on my back out of curiosity, I felt the reassuring presence of the Z-Saber!
"Excellent!" I thought to myself.
Wiping the moisture off of my glasses lens, I walked closer to the club entrance, which was flanked by two statues of Cerberus, the fabled three-headed dog guardian of the underworld. As if on cue, I glanced up to catch a glimpse of the club's name. In blood-red neon letters it read "ELYSIUM". Amused by this great irony, I laughed until the Cerberus statue to my right suddenly gazed at me!
Taking a step back, I recovered and grasped for my Z-Saber, but realized that it was a mere automated statue. In a firm and raspy voice, one of the statue's heads opened its mouth as another growled "Place 10 yen on my tongue..." Moving to respond to its order, I patted my pants in search of my wallet but realized that I was not wearing the same pants as I was the day before!
"Blast it! The one time I get to wear real Zero armor, I don't have my wallet!" I said as I clenched my teeth in frustration.
"Need some help, Jordan?" a female voice asked.
As I wheeled around to catch a glimpse of the mysterious female, I slipped on the snow-covered sidewalk and fell on my back with a resounding CLANK. The voice laughed wildly as I lay on the ground, dazed but unhurt thanks to the armor. Finally struggling to my feet after nearly slipping down again on the slippery ground, I faced the still-laughing girl. The light of a nearby streetlamp barely showed her face, but it was just enough to reveal the glowing face of Minako dressed in her Sailor V uniform!
"What are you doing here, and how did you recognize me?!" I asked in utter confusion.
"I like to go here... so do the rest of us! And Usagi babbles about how much Shingo loves the Mega Man games... Shingo has a Zero costume he likes to run around his house in... so I recognized the character! And your complicated language gave you away!" Minako replied.
"Well... I see that short of lowering my language standards, I cannot fool you with a disguise. And who is "the rest of us"?" I said with a smile.
"You know... Usagi, Darien, Ami, Haruka, Michiru, Setsuna... and your cute and cuddly and oh-so-lovable Mako-chan!" she said as she playfully elbowed me in the side.
Blushing furiously and taking off my fogged-up glasses, I blustered "What do you mean "cute and cuddly and oh-so-lovable"?! You make no sense at all!"
Giggling uncontrollably, she choked out "I know what you think of her! I see the look in your eyes every time you look at her! I KNOW what you think about her... EVERY LITTLE THING!"
As she recovered from a full minute of laughing, she pulled out two 10-yen bills and placed them on the tongue of the Cerberus head. "You can now enter the underworld..." one of the heads spoke as the mouth closed. After a frightening howl, a gate rose into an arch with the famous inscription from Dante's Inferno "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here" and we were free to enter Elysium.
"Strange mix of Greek mythology and Dante Aligheri, eh?" I asked Minako.
"Yeah... the owner of this club has strange tastes to say the least... he wanted to call it Ragnarok and keep the Cerberus statues, but he was convinced to name it Elysium." She replied.
As we descended a spiraling staircase lit by red lanterns, I thought of Virgil guiding Dante through the circles of Hell, each one progressively worse than the last. The whole place was lit with red lanterns and had what appeared to be skeletons scattered in the hallway. Despite my armor, I felt strangely vulnerable throughout the journey... Minako was striding boldly while I slowly walked and looked about for any sign of danger.
"This is an eerily realistic place... I halfway expect demons to leap out at any moment!" I said nervously.
"The owner has strange tastes, but he goes all-out when it comes to realism!" Minako said as she started running.
"Wait!" I shouted as she started to leave me behind in the creepy hallway. I ran after her, trying the best I could to keep up. Eventually we approached a rectangular opening emanating a beautiful blue light and pulsing the music I heard just outside of Elysium. Minako started to run even faster and then appeared to leap into the light... I quickened my pace and jumped at what I thought to be the edge. Falling with my arms above my head like Zero, I expected a rough landing and possibly broken legs, but instead landed on my feet, dropping to one knee to absorb the brunt of the impact.
It was a six-foot drop, but had been masterfully created to look like a much higher drop from above. When I recovered, I saw a place worthy of the name Elysium. The ceiling was painted to look like a clear sky with intermittent cloud cover, and the whole room was bathed in a soft blue light. The pulsing music was loud, but not loud enough to greatly inhibit conversation, because I could hear quite a few in detail... and the music itself was agreeable, consisting of techno and house music. Numerous people waving rainbow-colored glowsticks in the air and dancing without a care in the world.
Gazing at all of the people, I saw mostly strangers, but then I noticed a gloved hand waving in my direction. I followed it and found Minako, Usagi, Darien, Ami, Setsuna, and Makoto dancing to Seven Nation Army by Benny Benassi. Suprised to see Ami and Setsuna dancing, I failed to notice Minako until she was literally in my face.
"La musique est tres chouette, oui?" Minako asked.
"What? How you taken leave of your senses? Tell me... did you hit your head on the landing?" I asked her with a trace of concern.
"Non, non... je parle francais... et vous?" she replied.
"Ah, le francais... je parle francais aussi!" I said.
At that point, Ami turned to us and said "Je parle francais tres bien!"
"Vraiment?!" Minako and I asked simultaneously. We knew Ami was one of great intellect, but we did not know she could speak French! If someone had hit us in the stomach with a baseball bat, we would not have been more breathless.
"Ouais... c'est une langue tres facile!" Ami replied with amusement.
"Tres facile? TRES FACILE? J'ai etudie francais pour trois ans! C'est n'est pas facile..." I said with a trace of frustration.
"I don't understand Itailan..." Usagi said as she shrugged her shoulders.
"It's French, Meatballhead..." Darien muttered.
Makoto simply stared at us, her eyes glazed over in utter confusion. Minako noticed and remarked "Makoto est tres belle. Tu pense la meme chose, Jordan?" she said with a smirk.
"Oui... pourquoi?" I asked Minako, who was probably plotting something.
"Elle est tres sportif, non?" Minako questioned.
"Oui..." I remarked.
Ami was looking at me intently, as if trying to inform me of Minako's plot. Unaware of what, if anything, she was trying to tell me, I simply stared at her. Minako jarred me back to reality with a punch to the arm and she stared me in the eyes with a fiendish grin.
"Tu veux embrasse Makoto?"
"Pas maintenant... ZUT!" I shouted.
Minako smiled, Ami blushed, and our previously comatose friends jumped back to life and took a sudden interest in the proceedings. Feeling the spotlight burning my face, I blushed. Smelling blood in the water, Minako stepped up her interrogation.
"Tu aimes Makoto, non?"
"Oui... elle est ma copine!"
"Tu aimes Makoto plus que la vie?"
"Oui..."
"Je repete... tu veux embrasse Makoto?"
"Pas maintenant... pas aujourd'hui..."
"Tres bien! Je veux embrasse toi! JE T'AIME!" Minako screamed as she lunged at me with arms extended.
Caught off guard, I could not avoid her rush and hit the ground hard. Before I realized what was happening, Minako had leaned down and was kissing me repeatedly! Frantically trying to push her off, I felt my face turning bright red. I felt like someone with a zombie gnawing on their face or someone being mauled by a tiger... I could not dislodge Minako, no matter how hard I tried.
In my jumbled thoughts, I thought "... Minako was certainly... clever! She must have... plotted THIS! She must have been plotting this for some time!"
After the 45-second kissing frenzy, I lay on the ground, feeling dazed and confused. It was a surreal experience, like what had happened really did not happen... but something did happen. Minako stood above me, smiling from ear to ear. Ami had an expression that could only (normally) come from witnessing a shark attack or tiger mauling. The others were of the same expression, except for Makoto...
"Mon Dieu..." I could only mutter in shock as I looked at her facial expression. Minako certainly held the same opinion, judging from the look on her face. Makoto, on the other hand, had an expression that could make Cerberus turn and run. Judging from the beet-red complexion of her face, I knew she was ready to draw blood, but from whom? I shuddered to think of that answer!
Makoto turned her smoldering gaze on me, and I felt my face turn pale. She gazed at Minako and drove her into a sweat that could best be described as a flash flood. Makoto's green eyes met mine and flashed an eerie luster as I felt her urge to kill growing... We were all in a private room with a window view of the dance floor, and I felt like I was going to be lobbed through the window! My heartbeat quickened as I mentally pictured the scene, and Minako appeared to be willing to throw herself out of the window to escape Makoto.
Makoto screeched "YOU NO-GOOD THIEF! YOU TRIED TO STEAL HIM FROM ME!" and dashed at Minako with her arms outstretched, who screamed and passed out cold. Setsuna and Darien dragged Minako away as I felt Makoto's gaze of doom burn into the back of my head. There was no escaping the conclusion that I was going to die then and there by Makoto's hand... running backwards until I hit the wall, I felt my sagging courage crumbling under her relentless approach. Sensing the end was near, I tried to shield myself with my arms, if only to keep death away a bit longer...
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