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On Line
Jeanette Broussard
Eric Gasparich
2 Writers

0 Free Members

2 Members
22 Guests

Late For A Date
by David Pekrul
copyright 12-24-2006


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
The smoke from the engine has filled up my car,
I'm running on empty; won't go very far,
My windscreen is broken; my tires are flat,
My foot's on the pedal, it's down to the mat.

I called her up early, and asked for a date,
She said, "Better hurry and please don't be late",
My car's overheating; the engine is shot,
It's spewing out steam and it's getting so hot.

I wanted to see her and say how I felt,
But now my poor engine is ready to melt,
I'm cursin' and prayin' and hopin' for luck,
My car is now dying and here I am, stuck.

I call for a taxi; my cell phone is dead,
I wait at the bus stop and take that instead,
It's been ninety minutes, but still I'm not there,
I fear I am missing a great love affair.

I know I can make it; her house is in sight,
I'm longing to see my sweet angel tonight,
I stand on her porch and I knock on her door,
I'll tell her I'm sorry; forgiveness implore.

Her mom says she's gone; she is out on a date,
And all because I was too slow and too late,
It's back to the bus and I'm on my way home,
While she's on a date with some guy named Jerome.


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02-14-2007 Misty Montier    

hilarious...though if this truly happened, probably not so hilarious...great rhyming and flow...way to go
12-29-2006 Mike Macdonald    

This was a great read, Dave, from end to end. I think it's one of my favorites out of your body of work.

I absolutely hate writing people's stuff for them, but there's one line I would revise:

"I call for a taxi; my cell phone is dead,"

I think it would better suit the work reading as:

"I'd call for a taxi, but my cell phone is dead,"

Since you wrote the poem in the present tense, the change should fit nicely. I'm also giving you points for this one, which i almost never do, so be proud.
Visitor Reads: 162
Total Reads: 169
Comments: 2

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