Age Rating: 10 +
Popular and pretty
Full of life and laughter
Had everything in the world
Shining like the sun
Gentle as the stars on a clear night
Bubbly and always fun
That was you
Clumsy and awkward
Glasses and a bad haircut
Shy and hiding in the shadows
Part of the background
Trying to find a place I belonged in
That was me
How I watched you from the shadows
I envied you, one who had it all
I wanted to be you, and you to be me
Jelousy turned to anger
What was so great about you anyways?
If I had a chance, obviously everyone would see
I was so much better than you
The seed grew to a sprout
The sprout to a tree
And it came to be that I couldn't
Even stand the sight of you
Surrounded by your giggly friends
I took a wrong turn to the bathroom one day
I opened the door to an unused classroom instead
Unused, but not empty
You were sitting there
Alone for once
I started to turn away in disgust
"Who is she to skip class?"
But I heard the tear hit the floor
You were crying
Holding your face, elbows on the desk
Tears ran down your cheeks, leaking through your hands
And I stared in wonder
Why would you, the one who had everything
You heard me, and looked up
And I saw your happy face
Distorted into a steady stream of tears
We stared at each other, you and I
Not saying anything, not knowing what to say
And desperate to break the silence
I said "Hi"
You poured her heart out to me
Stress and pain
Your parents expected her to be perfect
Your friends expected her to be perfect
Your world was built on a person that didn't exist in you
And you was never allowed to be herself
You told me if you could rip off the mask
You would do something to break those heavy chains
Rob a store or something
So you could just dump the angel act
And as you told me everything
I felt the jelousy tree dying
Because I finally had the chance to see
You were, in fact, the same as me
We sat there, for who knows how long
Talking and trading feelings and stories
Laughing and crying
Discovering new people and perspectives
In the physical shells we had seen our whole lives
We shared the same sorrows
Of never quite belonging
Never knowing who we really were
And constant parent pressure
I wondered that you hid all this for so long
I would have cracked and died long before if I was you
We have never mentioned that time
To each other again
But from that moment on we were best friends
Never mind the surprised faces
Or gossip and clucks behind our backs
We had both found someone
That we could be ourselves with
And who the heck cared what anyone else thought?
Comments on this Article/Poem:
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Leigh Gilholm Fisher
Very good, Euna! I really liked this piece, because it goes to show how people that seem so different at first appearance. actually have many things in common and if the right situations accrue, can before the best of friends. Look at Meh and me, at first her repetitive correcting of my spelling and grammar ever few seconds drove me nuts, and it seemed like we didn't have much of anything in common, but now were the "Destructive Duo" or "Terrible Two". :D This was a great poem, I didn't find one grammar or spelling error either! A few awkward sentences, but nothing very extreme or noticeable. Great work Euna! Keep writing!
Leigh of the Commenting Community
Wow! Amazing! Simply amazing! This is a wonderful write! You tell the entire story in such a unique, poetic way. And the story itself, it opened up quite a few things in my head. I'll be thinking about this poem for a while.
Great write, Euna! Words are simple not enough.
I really like this work! I think many of us have been in one of these two places at some point in our lives. But you have put it into words, this awkward place we've known. The emotions that flow through us, you've captured well!
One suggestion is all I have:
Throughout most of the poem, you say "you" and "I." Yet in the middle, you switch to "She poured her heart out..." and "Her parents...Her friends..." and I think that would be okay if it were only the part where she told you her troubles. Then start a new stanza. Does that make sense? Other than that, I really like this!
This is good work for a kid. I liked it a lot. No lines read like they're forced or awkward, although two things grabbed my attention right away:
1 - The line "sobbing, even" doesn't sit well with me for some reason. I do think it should be noted here that she wasn't just sniffling a little tiny bit, but there must be a better way to convey that while still keeping it simple. Maybe just switching the word order and ditching the comma would fix it.
2 - This verse:
"A wrong turn to the bathroom one day
Ended in an unused classroom
Unused, but not empty"
I understand it, but it took me a couple of reads, and that's like taking a pleasant jog and tripping on the curb. I suggest you find a better way to word this so the reader will understand what you meant the first time through the poem. It might be solved with just choosing a better word than "ended".
I would definitely read this one over a few more times and play with it. That's the best way to polish it up. I think it's worth saving.
Oh, I would also toss out the little statement at the end. The poem speaks for itself, particularly the last two lines.
I'll be the first to comment. There are a lot of people now that will do anything to become popular. I'm sorta out into the background but I have a way of sticking out. Like on the wall, I'm the only bug with 6 legs and everyone else has 8 legs, but where all the same color. This poem was really good. Talk to you later.