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On Line
Leah G.
Richard Reed Jr
Jeanette Broussard
Robert Betts
Mary -BrytEyz- Ball
5 Writers

Chermayn Fong
Shannon Shannie M.
2 Free Members

7 Members
27 Guests

50 Years
by Denise Fairgrieve (Age: 28)
copyright 01-16-2007


Age Rating: 1 to 127

 
Fifty years came and went too quick
when most people would have gotten sick
We're still in love and staying strong
we're lucky with every sign of dawn
Our hearts were joined to be together
with hopes that it will last forever
Now years more passed without trouble
we only wish we could make fifty double
Our kids are grown and married too
and hard times we thought we wouldn't get through
With kids of their own and doing just fine
and all hope of our love in their mind
We make a new pledge every year
to something that has given us cheer.


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01-25-2007 Denise Fairgrieve    

Thank you for saying it is well written. And I do know that there are rough spots. It was a last minute get it done deal.

Hopefully my other works will seem better.
01-24-2007 James Shammas    

This is a sweet tribute. Overall, well-written and smoothy flowing, though I agree with Reed that there are a few rough spots. The ending line, in particular, seems out of tune-- especially the last rhyme. I'm not sure, too, how effective the lack of punctuation is, at least in relation to the content and format.

Jim
01-16-2007 Denise Fairgrieve    

Thank you for the praise. And yes it could have went a bit smoother.

I had remembered at the last minute that I was supposed to write them a poem. This was the one I ended up with, but I still wish I could have changed some of it.
Visitor Reads: 338
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Comments: 3

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