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I am a Flower
by
Jane L.
(Age: 14)
copyright 01-01-2007
Age Rating: 1 to 127
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Picture Credits:
I am a flower.
My leaves are green.
My petals are red.
I sit next to the little brown wooden bench.
I am always being stepped on.
During lunch time the children come out,
To play in the field,
But there is a little girl with tears in her eyes.
She squats down and looks at me.
She straightens my bent stem.
And she tells me about her day.
Today everyone laughed at her,
Because she didn't know the answer to a question.
And she lost her crayons,
Because the other kids hid it from her.
She had to eat alone,
Because no one wanted to sit with her.
And today she played in the playground by herself,
Because the other kids ignored her.
She went back to her classroom when the bell rang,
But she came again today.
Today, a boy tugged on her pigtails.
She tripped over someone's legs,
And she was laughed at because of that.
She ate alone today again.
And she played by herself again.
It's been a while since she first talked with me.
But these days, she doesn't come anymore.
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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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01-01-2008 Wayne Thomas
Wow! Astounding piece! I'm a guy but I still remember what it was like to be shunned by nearly everyone. I found an ersatz solitude and adventure in books. All kinds. Nonfiction. Science fiction. Kid's fiction. And later, poetry. I was small, clumsy, wore glasses when I remembered, and was way too smart for my own good. Or so I thought. In time I grew out of my younger self and made lasting friends though I still spend a lot of time alone, a lot of the time by choice. I ramble. See what you did for me? Great work--and great photo! Keep it up.
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05-07-2007 Leigh G.
Personally, I can't relate to the poem because I'm a loner by choice, and I'm home schooled so also makes it tricky... Anyway, I did like how you told a story in this piece, for that's a style I like. Meh rambled about corrections and the like but my only suggestion is capitalization. :) From the firth paragraph, I wasn't entirely sure what to expect from the poem. Most people can relate to this, so that's a good aspect of it. Poems that people "feel they could of written themselves" as I've heard it said, seem to go over the best, you know? Good work, keep writing.
Leigh of the Commenting Community
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01-25-2007 Euna P.
I love this poem. What is this story based off of? Is it based off of you, or someone you know? There're some days I feel like that little girl. I can relate with this completly.
I love the way you wrote this, and i really hope this isn't based on yourself.
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01-24-2007 Tammy Frascona
Mehrina Brings up some very good corrections and One even better question... Why doesn't the girl come around any more? Is it because she is no longer alive or because she has a new life now with friends. I truly hope it is the second one I mentioned... it would be a nice ending to this horrible tale! Almost everyone likes a happy ending!
~~~ Tammy F. Of The Commenting Crusaders ~~~
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01-12-2007 Mehrina B.
Marvelous! T'is a story in a poem, and a very well written poem, too! I really liked how you put forth her sorrows. The little girl's sadness is so strong; t'was touching.
I did spot some grammar errors, though!
"I sit next *to the* little brown bench"
"During *lunchtime* the children..." (lunchtime is one word, right?"
"She *squats* down *and* looks at me"
I thought this poem was particularly heartrending. Children's sorrows always make me sad. I remember what it was like to be a frightened, lone child. I don't like those memories at all. >.<
Why doesn't she come anymore?
~*Athena*~
Of the Commenting Crusaders
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01-03-2007 Jack Curson
This is a good work, the emotion is this poem though subtle is good. I feel the sadness you meant to capture in the work. Keep it up.
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