Technicolor Butterfly
by
Chessie Hodge
(Age: 18)
copyright 01-13-2007
Age Rating: 10 to 127
Kissing the world goodbye,
The glass rainbow falls,
and breaks,
Color drains from the earth and sky,
The seasons lay dying in the gray,
Bleak and hopeless,
Darkness descends,
Trapped,
The embers extinguish,
I am alone,
Crumbling in my own despair...
Clinging to a Technicolor butterfly...
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you recommend or rate the work highly...
Very nice, but not one of your best. It seemed a bit strange, the style was a bit confusing, but other then that its fine. Nice job, but the images are a bit fuzzy. This is pretty good, but I like your recent stuff better.
Very nice. It's very creative an imaginative. I think it could be written just a bit better so the read is a little smoother, but other then that it's a ver good work. Keep it up, and remember there is always room for improvment.
~Brittney~
Chessie, Nice to hear from you again. A soul-ripping, hauntingly beautiful, sparely written piece. I like the present tense mode. Which leads to the one tiny flaw in the poem, and I'll leave it to your exquisite creativity to fix it without spoiling the beauty of the line, unless you decide it doesn't and just go for it. Whew! And that is simply that the word "lay" in linee five really should be "lie" to maintain the present tense. Picky, sometimes, aren't I? Just trying to be a pest, I mean, helpful. Good stuff. Very good stuff. I loved it, and your excellent free verse! Never quit!
Wayne
I really love this poem. I mean its great I see nothing wrong with it. All the words just flow so great. It's very beautiful and quite sad all at the same time. Great work keep it up. Maybe one day you could help me write something other than sad poems. Because I cant write a happy poem to save my life. lol
Wow, that was sad. It seems you like butterflies..just kidding. It was really good. It may not be long, but as long as you made you point across to other people. I have that a lot. Well, on to another one of your works. They all sound really good, like different flavors of ice cream. MMM, ice cream. Sorry. Keep it up. Talk to you later.
~Alma H.
A heart-wrenching poem full of sadness. It's beautiful. You choose words and put them together in such a way that it really paints a vivid picture in one's mind! Keep it up, your fans love you! ;)
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