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For One More Day

by Mark Lawson (Age: 27)
copyright 01-10-2007


Age Rating: 13 +

Night enveloped my eyes
It has been long since I have felt this pain
This nightmare anew
A destiny to be forged alone
Though souls cry out
I listen to their call
Yet their voices go unheard
I follow a path my own
Although I once walked with others
They have since left me to my fate
This time has come and gone
My faith has never fallen
It never existed at all
Only to torment me
With its gaping void
I see the end
Although far away
Growing closer with time's passing
Out of reach
I cannot end this soon enough
Yet my bonds deny me this
And give me life
For one more day






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        08-28-2007     Marilyn Mackenzie        

Very deep indeed. Some poems don't need punctuation. You just seem to know the poet's mind and pause where necessary. Perhaps Catherine is right about this one, though. Punctuation might help. I also might consider whether words like "although" and "yet" really contribute to the entire thought. Thanks for sharing!

        08-17-2007     Catherine Wilson        

This is a very deep feeling piece and I found it very enjoyable to read. The only thing that I could suggest, though it's just my thoughts of course, is adding punctuation. The only reason I say that is if you show me where your natural pauses are, I'll be able to read it like you intended. Right now I can read it fine and not having punctuations isn't taking away from this piece but adding it would add a nice touch.

Good job with this piece.



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