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Little Boy
by Jessica P. (Age: 15)
copyright 02-20-2007


Age Rating: 7 to 127

 
You say you hate your life
And that it isn't fair
Well I'll tell you something, little boy
Life never has been fair

Now smarten up your attitude
Life isn't all that bad
I'm tired of your temper now
'Stupid life?' that's pretty sad

You rant and whine
Well it can stop
You'll never get a new life
But this one hasn't flopped

Control your temper, do it well
And you won't get in so much trouble
And then you'll see how life can be
Worth just about double


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04-28-2007 Alma H.    

It was good. It was a little forced but it had a meaning. Boys that don't get their way always complain, no matter what the age. Girls only do that when they are young or pampered little *itches. Hope you read more. Talk to you later.
~Alma H.
02-23-2007 Wayne Thomas    

Jess, I like it. It's a little ragged around the edges yet, but a simple edit can help you fix the comma and meter. I appreciate the message to "lay off the attitude". It's well done. You're almost finished. I'll look for more of your stuff. Thanks.
Wayne
02-23-2007 Victoria Medley    

I like the message behind this poem, but I think that it needs to be revised a little bit. Your meter is off at some points, which makes some of the stanzas a little awkward. Read it out loud to yourself and you'll see what I'm talking about. Sometimes a simple comma can save an entire stanza!

I'm really glad that you wrote this though. So many people don't realize what a wonderful gift that life is. Way to remind them!
02-22-2007 David Pekrul    

This is what I would call 'Tough Love'. I like your attitude in this poem. Life may not be fair, but it is what you make of it. I like your attitude, Jess. This is a great write.
Visitor Reads: 314
Total Reads: 325
Comments: 4

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