Home of: Prose, Poetry & Contests Prose-n-Poetry

Prose-n-Poetry.com

Email Us [e-mail]
Enter our Poetry Contest and Win a Cash Prize !
Tell your friends! We Pay You to Comment!
Welcome !

Please Sign In
MemberID

password
Save Cookie?  
Get lost password

Join Us

Points Reference

NEW! PnP Contests
Member Contests
Contest Winners

Sailor Moon Home
Games

Members
Moonatics
Gold Writers
Silver Writers
Free Members

Galleries
Sailor Moon

Music
Sailor Moon
Christmas
Read !
Poetry
Stories
Books
Columns
Recipes
MoonNotes
Write !
Poetry
Stories
Books
Recipes
MoonNotes
Workshops
Poetry Workshop
Stories Workshop
Books Workshop
Reference
Poetry Help
Stories Help
F.A.Q

Programs
Sailor Moon Episodes
Banners
Resources

On Line
Amy B.
Jeanette Broussard
2 Writers

0 Free Members

2 Members
21 Guests

Flights of Fantasy
Fifth Movement
by Leigh G.
copyright 03-14-2007


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
I logged off and turned off my computer and packed the backpack quickly I felt completely exhilarated and ready to fight. I slung the backpack over my shoulder and jogged out of the room and down the stairs. The hotel was two stories, and one flight of stairs were quicker than the elevator. When I got outside I hopped on my motorcycle after unchaining it and pulled out of the parking lot and sped out of the little town that looked like it belonged in the past.
The terrain was a little chilly as I continued onward on the land sloping upward. The town was built in right next to the smallest mountain in the range, Zitterage. Neivila, in the dead center of the circular rang with a valley around it, would be hard to get at. It would be impossible if it weren’t from the old path found on the most westward side of the range, that lead to an underground cavern that cold take a person to the plains. Nobody ever made it to the sacred mountain though, since only the government knew about the path…but the official is only told if he or she is a Ragnarok. Since I was of Ragnarok bloodline, even though my bloodline were those who colonized the country, we weren’t the ones that always in control. Around election time, you’d always hear some people saying, “It’d be nice to get a Ragnarok in office again.”
There were others in my generation, but they were scattered around other countries had no political power even with the name “Ragnarok”. Almost all of the Ragnarok bloodline left the country and headed overseas to avoid the press and publicity of having the same name. Since the governmental laws were strict that only immediate family could inherit the thrown, Ragnaroks only ruled the country every few hundred years.
Statically, the secret of the way to the sacred mountain was no longer known to any human since my father was dead, and he never told Akiko or me. All the mountains surrounding Neivila could be climbed, but getting down the opposite side was futile since there were terrible storms brewing around Neivila. They were so strong, not even plains or airships could descend into the land of legend.
Now, how do I know it? One of the many times I’d approached Skyevi when I was young and placed my hands of the opaque sphere of boiling mist, I’d had a vision of the path all the way to the sacred city. A voice whispered to me as I was shown,
“Don’t ever tell any living being about this path.”
It was going to take me all day, night, and most of tomorrow to get to the far side of the range going at one-hundred and fifty miles an hour to get to the underground path.
I should of rested first… I thought to myself, even though I knew it was too late to go back now.
It was around dusk when I stopped for a snack, and continued for the rest of the night. I’d been on open dirt for awhile now, and had pulled on the black parka I’d bought at the hiking supplies store along with the gloves. I stopped again the morning, for more health bars and chips before continuing onward. I smiled with relief when I saw the end of the mountain range. I stopped at the very edge, and looked upward and saw a spot on the rock cliff tightly covered in ivy. I flexed my fingers and grabbed on to a few handholds and located footholds as I climbed up the twenty feet or so to what might be the entrance. I clung to the rock face as I pulled out my katana and hacked some of the ivy away. When enough was gone, I felt though it, and after a few inches I felt open air.
“Yes…” I muttered as I hoisted my self up. Once I was inside, still crouching down, I looked up and into the cavern. Firstly, it was pitch black. I pulled out the flashlight I’d bought and shined it forward. I saw a deep slop downward and I looked up and when I slid though a little further the cavern roof was eight feet tall, only the entrance was a small four feet. I smiled saying,
“This is it!” I exited the cavern and after climbing back down I slid my motorcycle into a protected shadow in the rock face. I pulled some of the cold ivy over it to hide it a little. I didn’t really know who ivy, which is supposed to like the warm temperatures, were growing in such a cold climate. I pulled out my backpack and slung the heavy thing over my back and climbed back up with my flashlight and katana in my belt.
I slid under the preface with a little trouble with my backpack, and stood up straight as I entered the fullness of the cavern. I took a deep breath of the surprisingly not musty air and walked forward my flashlight the only light in the cavern. It had batteries capable of lasting over six hundred hours of use, seven hundred with an hour brake ever hundred hours. One thousand if it got a brake ever fifty hours.
It continued to slope downward, keeping the temperature even. Like I said, the air was surprisingly clear even though at least on the entrance I’d entered, hardly any air could get in. Even if it was completely open on the other end, there was no way that the air could be so pure without cross ventilation.
I stopped short when I heard a whisper. I didn’t move for a moment and listened closely and I took one step backward and heard it again. I stepped forward and back again, and I was pretty sure that it was a human voice.
Asenferrothshinkah.
I listened to it a few more times, but I couldn’t understand what it was saying. Which was strange since I’d always understood with Skyevi said when I was younger.
Either that, I though to myself, or I’m chasing dreams since being genetically altered could of made me lose the ability that didn’t make much sense I had in the first place…
I shook my head and jogged for a few moments before slowing down and continuing a slow but steady pace. My stomach growled loudly, apparently not effected by strange whispers. I smiled slightly before shaking my head and pulling out a bottle of water. I really wasn’t taking care of myself very well, but I’d be able to catch up with personal-care after I lost Trenxi and his gang for awhile.
The process was slow and long, since I felt like I hadn’t much if anything, until the path straightened out and I wasn’t walking downward anymore. I looked at my watch and realized I’d been walking for three hours and it was already eleven. I flopped down and munched on a few health bars and some pretzels before thinking to myself,
Next time I go on some crazy trip, I need to bring better snacks…
I nodded off after a few moments, even though I wasn’t sleeping very deeply since I had strange dreams…at least I think they’re dreams…

I opened my eyes and looked around to see where I was. The room was kind of old fashion, but there were spheres of light hovering in the four corners of the room. There was a chair beside the bed I was laying in and a katana in its scabbard along with a bow and quiver of arrows were leaning against it. A white kimono lay at the foot of my bed and I yawned as the door opened. A young Nohinog girl walked into the room and bowed saying in her language,
“Lady Priestess, is that kimono to your liking? I know priestesses only wear white in your country, so I figured you’d want white…”
“It’s fine.” I said, even though it wasn’t my voice or will. It was like I was seeing through the eyes of another person. “Did Genzia send reinforcements?”
“No, Lady Sora.” She replied nervously, “Are you alright? You were wounded badly on the battlefield, and after you attack…”
“I am fine.” Sora said, “Please tell the head priestess at this temple I would like to talk to her about our next attack against Genzia.”
“Yes, you’re grace.” She said quickly and bowed again before leaving.
Sora stood and dressed, and slid the katana into the sash of the kimono. She left her bow, and pulled on the white knee boots that lay next to the bed. She walked out of the room and toward the center of the temple. It was open, with a large statue of their goddess. Sora walked out to see the head priestess who was praying to her goddess in the middle of the garden. The sky threatened rain, which would be a disadvantage to both armies. Sora waited until the priestess was done, and when she was she stood and said,
“Lady Sora, Genzia has the Blood Crystal, if we do not recover it by midnight tonight, the full moon, they will use my apprentice that knows the spell to summon the demons from the crystal.”
“She will not be able to summon the demons, your grace.” Sora said carefully, “No earthly being can do much more than handle a sacred relic with the right bloodline.”
“Than I suppose you’re not an earthly being with that sword of yours.”
“I could not stand here in front of you if I were anything more than an earthly being. Consciousnesses with divine qualities can never be truly tuned to endure life around humans.”
“I suppose they could if they hung around battlefields where un-human-like acts took place.” The head priestess said quietly, her black eyes blazing.
“The battlefield is where the most human-like things accrue, Yukimi.”
“Shinkokami!” The priestess called as her apprentice appeared behind Sora. Sora looked at the girl recognizing her as the same girl who delivered the kimono.
“Please lead our guest,” she said drawing out the word ‘guest’, “Back to her quarters for rest before tonight’s battle. I will send for the empire.”
“Yes, your grace.” The young apprentice said bowing her head. “Please follow me.” She said quietly to Sora.
“The enemy will be here at any moment.” Sora as the priestess scoffed.
“I know a demon when I see one.” The priestess said coldly.
They both entered the halls of the temple as Shinkokami closed the sliding wood door. The doors around the center of the temple were solid wood, very uncommon in temples.
“Please forgive the high priestess.” The young girl said quietly, “She doesn’t like people from overseas…”
“It is alright.” Sora said smiling gently. Shinkokami looked up at her slowly and relaxed a little at the older girl’s smile. “May I call you Shinko?”
“Yes, please do.” She said with a smile.
Sora turned around saying,
“Let us proceed, you should get into the underground of the temple quickly.”
“Why?” Shinko asked sounding worried. I pointed upward to the open part above the wooden wall that faced the front of the temple as a flaming arrow flew through.
“We are under attack.” Sora answered simple as the girl’s eyes filled with fear. “Please go to the underground and run to another temple.”
“But the head priestess-”
“Go.” I said firmly.
She nodded and ran. Sora ran back to her room and grabbed changed back into her white pants, and folding the shirt of the kimono into the sash so it only hung above her knees. She slid her katana into the sash again and grabbed her bow and arrows before running out to meet the enemy.


I woke up slowly and yawned before cuddling closer to my not-so-soft backpack. I glanced at my watch and saw it was nine AM. I stretched thinking to myself,
At least last time I woke up stiff all over from sleeping sitting up, I wasn’t so damn cold…I wonder if all guys are as warm as Cloud, I know their blood is warm but that’s about all the experience I’ve had with guys…killing or beating them up.
I shook my head reprimanding saying aloud,
“Forget him, forget him, forget him…”
After a plain hard roll and some water, I continued onward feeling a little better after two tiny meals that were more like large snacks and some sleep. I was pretty sure I had massive bags under my eyes, but what did that matter?
I closed my eyes a moment and stopped when I heard another whisper. I lost my footing and fell against the cave wall as a wave of nausea washed over me and I started seeing scenes play through my mind with a headache right behind them.
An archer waking up, talking to a young girl, talking to a head priestess, telling the girl to run and than soldiers attacking…
The nausea passed and my headache disappeared as I opened my eyes, feeling completely fine. I was sweating and breathing heavily, but I caught my breath in seconds. I used the bottom of my shirt to dry the sweat from my face as I shifted and stood.
“Sora? Isn’t that Nohinog?” I paused before muttering to myself, “I was looking through her eyes…whoever she was.”
Couldn’t of been Skyevi, right? I never read or saw anything about her leaving Neivila never mind going overseas. Than again, Genzia was the name of the country north west of Nohin. But in all the legends, Skyevi protected Neivila. She never told me about leaving Ragnarok.
“Akhyia Ragnarok.” I heard a voice call out clearly. Before the person could finish the “rok” of Ragnarok I had my katana drawn and ready for combat. I stood completely tense for a few moments, but I didn’t hear to see anything else. I held my katana in my left hand, since my right hand may be more agile, but my left had more brunt strength. That’s as far as I got in my attempt to become ambidextrous. My shined my flashlight around with my right arm, but there was no sigh of anybody else in the cavern.
But I’m sure I heard something…
I kept my katana drawn, but I did continue forward vastly unnerved. If the nausea wasn’t bad enough, having some weird voice call out to me is worse.
Things were uneventful after that. I was getting fed up with all the walking at nine PM, since it’d been what now…two days of walking through a cave. I flopped down to munch on a hard roll when I heard something…running water. I took the last two bites of my roll quickly and stood up. I jogged forward, my katana back in its scabbard. It was getting louder and closer as I ran forward, I could even spell the fragrance of flowers. I’d started going uphill again around noon, and the incline was even more massive now. I was running through shallow puddles of water now. I saw light at the end of the tunnel, literally.
I couldn’t see anything more than the brightness, since there was a rocky twenty-foot cliff in front of me. It was slick and slippery with running water. I flicked off my flashlight and stowed it in my backpack and carefully climbed up the rock face. When I finally popped my head over the top, I saw a wall of water three feet away.
I clawed my way up to the top and saw it gushing downward endlessly. I could only see a little through it, and it looked like a valley. I reached out to the water and felt it was warm. I could run through it easily, but I couldn’t tell how close the land was parallel to the waterfall.
I stretched muttering,
“Time to find out whether or not this backpack is really water proof…”
I started and a run, and jumped through the waterfall. I got a brief glimpse of how close the land was, and it was about thirty feet away. I cursed as I surfaced and started swimming overhand, which was hell when once had a twenty pound backpack. I reached the land without any trouble aside from being pulled down by my backpack, and I pulled myself up happily. I caught my breathe and looked around to see where I was. The enclosure was huge, and from what I could guess spherical. I saw another waterfall in the distance, and I was glad I decided to go swim forward since around the valley the waterfall’s water filled a trench. The air was warm, and impossibly I could see the remnants of twilight in the sky overhead.
I looked around and saw the mountains towering in the distance around the valley as I muttered,
“I’m in Neivila…”
Even though it was warm, I was getting cold in my wet clothes. I pulled them off, all but my underwear, and left them in a pile on the grass. I pulled out a change of clothes, and rotted around for underwear for a few minutes before finding some at the bottom of the main pocket (under everything else). Before I changed into my dry clothes, I looked into the crystal clear water. I saw fish! I dove in a and saw all kinds of tropical fish swirling around in the waters. I wasn’t surprised when they all swam away from me. I surfaced for air than dove back in and looked below me. I could hardly see the sandy bottom it was so far away. At least two hundred feet, I guessed. I looked up still underwater thinking,
All this must be melting from the mountains…but how come it’s so warm?
I floated up to the top and floated there peacefully for a long moment. I felt a tiny little fish nibbling on the hairs on my right arm. When I looked over, I saw it was a clown fish as it quickly swam away. I swam over to the edge and changed my clothes, leaving my wet underwear in the pile with my other wet cloths.
I pulled on a sleeveless white shirt and a pair of soft-ish jeans. I didn’t have any backup to my Twi-LIGHT boots, so I just cuffed my pants figuring as long as the terrain was only valley for awhile my boots might be a little dryer…or at least no dripping. I tied back my wet hair to get it out of my face. I shoved my wet clothes in a plastic bag than in the outside pocket of my parachute-material backpack. The outside dried quickly, and the inside didn’t get wet. I was glad I forked out the cash for the thing for the first time. I slung it over my back and carried my boots with my other hand. I was still going up a hill, until I reached the top and it flattened out. I could see plains for a good mile or more, than thick trees.
“I shudder to think what beasties are in there…” I muttered as I walked forward. Twilight was quickly fading, and I wished I had my motorcycle.
I flopped down on the grass about half a mile away from the trees. I laid down and tried to get comfortable, and when I looked up at the stars I felt oddly lonesome for a moment. I couldn’t think of a time in my past that I’d ever felt lonesome. When ever I was with people, it was either a social event where I had to be quiet and act lady-like, or I was fighting somebody. Akiko and me would hang out together, but she’d usually rattle on about what was going on with her and our parents, and other government officials while I trained or worked out. And of course, she rattled on about her boyfriends. Sure, I’d hang out with Rei and Maaya but that was about it.
Rei, Maaya, and me were always doing things too. We never really talked about too many stressful things, or anything of that sort. I smiled thinking to myself,
We did argue about spongy circus peanuts though…I think I even made Maaya run away crying once when we were young.
Rei and me were the locals, Maaya was new to the city. We really picked on her too, since Rei lived in the slums then and Maaya moved into the main city, and I just acted like a slum hick so she really didn’t fit in with us…even though she was hell bent to hang out with us.

I felt myself nodding off even though I was smiling as I did.

I felt a hand on my arm my shoulder, and I impulsively jerked my left arm upward, my elbow contacting hard with the jaw of who ever was near me. I heard a loud crack as my elbow made landfall. The person fell backwards as I pulled my katana from its scabbard to see who it was who snuck up on me.
“What the hell did you do that for?” Cloud demanded looking irritated and rubbing his jaw. I heard his jaw pop back into place as he stood up. I dropped my katana demanding,
“How the hell did you find me?”
“Rei told me you’d be heading to Neivila.” He held out his hand to help me up, but I didn’t except it and stood up myself.
“How’d she know that? And why would she tell you? Rei’s not the type to send other people on her errands.”
“Not everybody spelt and didn’t change over five years.” He retorted, “She’s on her way to a friend in Myildaypain, Niketa is there too. I set off to find you alone.”
“Why did you even bother following me? Niketa and you wouldn’t be hunted if it wasn’t for me. If you just left me alone, you could of waited for Twi-LIGHT to pick up on my trail than just disappear into the crowd.”
“You’re not the only one who doesn’t have a place to go.” He replied matter-of-factly. “All my family is dead and I still owe you.”
“For what?” I asked dumbly.
“I’d still be Trenxi’s pet lab rat if you hadn’t hotwired the locks.”
“You don’t owe me for that, I didn’t even do it on purpose.”
“If you don’t want to hear that, than how about I followed you just to learn a little more about Ragnarok mythology?”
I crossed my arms asking,
“So which is true?”
“Whichever you want to be. It’s almost dawn, it’ll take awhile to get through that forest before we reach the Neivila City ruins, than I believe we’re heading up the center mountains to get to the temple up there, right?”
“Yeah…” I paused noticing the sky was getting brighter, “I don’t know if you’re going to be able to make it. Skyevi doesn’t let many people follow her around. None of the normal soldiers could even get near the underground of the castle when she was in a bad mood.”
He shrugged saying,
“I’ve made it this far.”
He isn’t like the others…is he?
“Neivila will most likely have some kind of barrier around it, so will the mountain. There’s most likely a lot of beasties in that forest, and its not like this involves you in the slightest.”
“Well, the way I see it is that whatever connection to this place you have, could or couldn’t have anything to do with having Skyevi’s cells injected into your body. If that is the only reason you’re here on the outskirts of Neivila, than I’d have every right to come here too.”
“Either you’re stupider than you look,” I said sternly, “Or you’re just being a wiseass. Isn’t it obvious that if Rei knew where I’d be going that there’s more to my being here than only being injected with Skyevi cells?”
He picked up my backpack and slung it over his shoulder and started walking toward the forest saying,
“Let’s go.”
I scowled and pulled on my boots quickly, glad that they were dry. I grabbed my katana and scabbard after knotting the laces in some strange knot I’d later regret when I wanted to undo them. I caught up with him after two long strides before I said,
“I can carry that myself.”
“You really have a complex about people helping you.”
“I’m not as bad as some people.” I said pulling on the backpack to get slid off his shoulder, but he didn’t let it go.
“I don’t know about that.” He replied calmly.
I replaced my katana in its scabbard and slid the scabbard into my belt. I jumped in front of him and pointed my finger at him saying,
“Don’t start treating me like an invalid.”
He grabbed my hand and gently pushed it away but didn’t let go of my hand as he said,
“I didn’t think trying to do you a favor would irritate you so much. Are your fingers always so freezing?”
I jerked my hand of his saying,
“I like my fingers freezing.”
I scowled at him a moment before feeling his forehead.
“What’s that for?” He asked smirking slightly.
“You’re acting like a human. Do you have a fever or something?”
“No, but you really do have cold fingers.”
“Katana hilt calluses aren’t very good insulation.”
“That’s not a very good excuse, since my hands aren’t cold and I use broadswords, which have larger hilts and heavier blades; even bigger calluses.”
“Wise ass.” I said with a scowl removing my hand and continuing onward.
I glanced back at him a number of times even though he didn’t acknowledge my suspicion.
What’s with him? He’s acting so…human. He’s always been such a hard emotionless fighter, why is he acting human now?
He never acted human when we were around Rei or Niketa.
The less pessimistic and cynical side of my mind said. I argued with myself in my head like the little shoulder angel and devil in cartoons… Maybe he trusts me?
I caught myself before I smiled a little and replaced with my usual impassive look thinking to myself in the way I’d thought after my parents died,
I’d better change that.
When we entered the forest, there weren’t any paths and I was hacking my way through with my katana. I was cursing after an hour of the slow work.
Cloud dumped my backpack in my arms and drew his large broadsword saying,
“This’ll be a lot quicker if I did this.”
I scowled but didn’t object as I slung my backpack over my shoulder but I didn’t replace my katana in its scabbard.
“Did you notice…” I paused, “That there aren’t any animals here? I haven’t even hear any running away from us, and there were so many fish in that mote.”
“Mmm.” He replied, “It is a little odd, but there’s a good chance that the carnivores ate all the omnivores and met their end.”
“Yeah, but isn’t that a little too normal and obvious for Neivila? We’re the first people to be here since the ancient races lived in Neivila, and the ancients that lived on Neivila were supposed to have control over all in this circle, so if it isn’t all crap-talk than shouldn’t have something to do with that?”
“Maybe. We won’t find out until we reach the city ruins.”
“Yeah, but if we‘re lost-”
“Shhh.” He said suddenly stopping with his sword in mid air.
“What?” I whispered.
“Shhh.”
It was faint, but I sounded like singing.
“It’s coming from over there.” I said pointing over to the left. “Let’s follow it.”
“It could be one of those beasties you were talking about.”
I pulled the pistol from my boot and held it in my left hand saying,
“We’re armed. And besides, it’s been a while since I had a good sword fight.”
“A while like a week?”
“About that. Let’s go.”
I took one step forward, my back turned to him for hardly a second before I felt his arm wrap around my neck and jerk me backwards against him roughly. I struggled and I felt his large broadsword against my torso as he said flatly,
“Don’t move.”
I smiled grimly instead of freezing and letting my rationality slip away with betrayal. I still held my katana in my right hand as I growled quietly,
“You forgot to disarm me.” I strained against his grip around my neck and I jerked my right arm and katana upwards careful to avoid the edge of his blade. Before I could twist around and strike, I felt his blade digging into my torso sideways. The would wasn’t deep and didn’t get close to my organs since the only moment he pressed his blade deeper into me, it connected with one of my rips lightly before he released me.
I jumped away, bumping into a tree to keep my footing. Why did this wound hurt worse than bullets from Twi-LIGHT soldiers? I held my katana at the ready, even though I knew if I didn’t brake the first rule of sword fighting, don’t make the first move, than I’d start thinking instead of stabbing.
I charged forward striking high, but he blocked my katana easily. I was feeling dizzy and I could feel my blood soaking my shirt and pants. I guessed the wound was about eight inches long and bleeding profusely. I jerked forward, my katana pointing straight, a classic stabbing motion, but he dogged easily and my foot caught in a tree root and I ended up falling flat on my face, my katana flying.
“Pathetic.” He said matter-of-factly as he grabbed my arm pulling me up roughly. I reached over to the right quickly, grabbing my katana and shoving it though his left shin. I could see the blade sticking out the other side as blood soaked his pant leg.
“Don’t think you’re getting out of here either.” I muttered as he grabbed let go of my left arm and grabbed my right trying to wrestle my katana out of my grip. He was careful to keep the blade pointing away, but I managed to slash a small cut on his cheek. I hoped it would scar.
He let go of me suddenly, and I could hardly see as I struggled to my feet even though I felt him grab me again, and some sweet and yet foul liquid slid down my throat, it wasn’t blood either…I recognized the taste, I was sure it was poison as everything went black…


Prev Chapter Chapter List Next Chapter


Spell Check Rhymer Poetry Analyst


Help Us Stop Plagiarism - Nearly all works at PnP are original. However a few people choose to plagiarize. To check, choose a phrase from the work, then either drag and drop to the search box or copy and paste. click on search and works at Google will be shown which match. Just to be sure, please do this before you recommend or rate the work highly...
Google
If you think this work is plagiarized please


Select a Random Book

Comments on this Article/Poem:
Click on the commenter's name to see their Author's Page

04-30-2007 Alma H.    

Whoa, somethings up with Cloud. I don't think it really is Cloud. Maybe it's a robot from Twi-LIGHT that followed her to that place. Anyway, I found only a few mistakes. In the area where she is in Sora's point of view, on the last time she speaks, you wrote "I", even though it's in narrator's point of view. There were a few areas where you had the right idea, but the wrong spelling. There were a few areas that needed to be shortened a little, like they seemed like a really big run-on. Everything else seemed fine. It is getting better every time. Talk to you later.
~Alma H.
P.S. I'm reading "Darien's Diary-Days in the life of an Idiot" It really is changing my view on him.


04-15-2007 Mehrina B.    

Ah, the part where Kuraudo comes in! FoF is coming along very nicely, eh! Pretty soon, it'll be finished, edited, and ready for publication!

Once again, work on your homophones! You seem to be getting "your" and "you're" mixed up a lot. Also, work on sentence structure. "The would wasn’t deep and didn’t get close to my organs since the only moment he pressed his blade deeper into me, it connected with one of my rips lightly before he released me." Not only should "would" be spelled "wound", but the sentence makes it kind of confusing on what you're trying to say. You have a lot of sentences in that fashion, so I suggest you watch out!

On the other hand! God, I love this book! There's one particular sentence I like in this part, "I smiled grimly instead of freezing and letting my rationality slip away with betrayal". What a great sentence, that is! It's just like Maaya described Akhy, or will describe.

You have the greatest book on Earth here. All you have to do is work on spelling and grammar, and that's mostly my job. So, all in all, wonderful work!

Can't make these comments too long... I'd end up looking like Pilz-e!

Eh... that last comment, you'd know what I'm saying if you look up the character list of the Foamy cartoons.

Your BFFE!
~*Meh*~
Of...


Visitor Reads: 66
Total Reads: 79
Comments: 2

Author's Page

Email the Author

Add a Comment




Favorite of:





Send Page to a Friend
Points Reference Privacy
PnP Terms of Service Contact Us
  SEO Software

Visitors
View Stats