Toxic Future
by
Chessie Hodge
(Age: 18)
copyright 04-02-2007
Age Rating: 7 to 127
Listening to the whisper,
The forests' decay,
Our minds spinning,
Withering away,
Lying within temptation,
Our chaos abounds,
Surrendering to the moment,
Kissing black clouds,
Dust fills the heart,
Claws raking against cold steel,
Spirals of intelligence,
With nothing to feel,
Flowers being crushed,
Under a thick uncaring sole,
Sandy deserts of revolution,
Filling all the holes,
What will be left?
When will we realize what we've done?
As the seasons disappear,
Will we have really won?
With all our money and power,
Our economic grace,
Destroying our precious world,
That we can not replace...
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I wrote this as it came to me and I tried to work with a rhyme scheme. Hopefully it came out okay!!! Even though this poem is about certain environmental issues that we are currently facing, I am no crazy hippie trying to make everyone eat organic, walk everywhere, or stop exhaling carbon dioxide. I hope that you all enjoy this.
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Things in life that take us away from whats really importaint surround us. We're ruining our own future. Thats what I got out of this poem.
Nice job, and as always I can't find any problems.
Every thing I read of yous is filled with an abundance of excellence, but you have really outdone yourself with this piece. For me this is without a doubt your best.
It's not a poem that's beautiful because of the subject matter, yet it's sooooo powerful
and filled with your heart, and it's so true which I as a poet always attempt to seek.
This should be a contest winner sometime.
I really can't say enough so before I start repeating myself time and time again.
Let me simply say, "I have thus far read nothing finer.
I liked the rhyme scheme here. It worked very well with the poem itself. Also, I love the subtle way you're expression your dislike of our current events in the world and how you state where you stand. Very good work.
~Brittney~
After reading the other comments, there isn't much for me to say--so, I won't say much, except, "I like it!" The rhymes are a treat, the subject is well treated and orderly in progression, (an area where I fall down sometimes), and it's just great. Love it!
Wayne
I love this piece! The rhythm, the flow, the rhymes, the message, everything! Very true. Humans are trying to control the environment, feeling as if the world was created JUST for them, like it's their right to be dominant. Well, global warming is mother nature's way of saying, "screw you" and lifting her finger at the world to tell us she won't go over that easily.
Organic food is great. I try to eat it as much as possible. However, that's my choice to and I'm not trying to force anyone to eat tree bark or something. I just have to make that clear so I don't get bashed for being an environmentalist/tree hugger/hippie or whatever. Haha! Thanks for all the feed back.
Great poem! I can agree with this whole-heartedly, I have a complete rant about global warming and recycling. Did you know global warming could cause a second ice age, because if the ice on the poles melted all the waters would get colder, higher, and it'd kill a lot of fish? The seas are being over-fished as it is, just as the lands are being over-developed and animals over-hunted... Although I do try to eat organic food myself (too much non-organic stuff could give you cancer!) I'm not a total freak either; but I do recycle, avoid aerosol cans, and walk or bike ride to wherever I'm going rather than have my parents drive me there. This world can't be replaced, and warring isn't helping anything. Thanks Bush, you've gotten us into a war with no win that's made the world hate us...ever accrue to one of those nasty pink-butted baboons could do better than him? Anyway, you did a good job with the flow and rhyming! I myself...cannot rhyme for my life...although I've been trying, I stick with free verse for the most part. This is a really great poem, keep writing! And I can't even rant about punctuation or capitalization. :)
I enjoyed this very much!! It is an excellent write. The metaphors are good, the imagery is spell-binding, the rhyme scheme works very well, and the emotional impact of the piece, as a whole, is wonderful. The subject matter is not, of course, but thee way you treated the destruction of this planet is filled with caring and a sensitive awareness. Only one word misspelled that I could find: "Whitering" should be "Withering" ? And that is only an observation, not a true criticism. Don't worry about portraying yourself as a fanatical, "Save Our Earth!" type of person. Your write doesn't come across that way at all. We see the planet and what is happening to it, not fanatical ravings. It is very good work.
Welcome !
