05-27-2007
Lyle Berry
Ilike this stream of consciousness type of story - poem. It captures the imagination. However, I was waiting for a more moving conclusion that never happened. With a lttle more work on the ending, I feel this could be improved and made more powerful. Best Regards, Lyle
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05-01-2007
Samantha Powers
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05-01-2007
Samantha Powers
This poem was very freaky. It reminds me of one of my past experineces with some people (wont go into detail) I like how you used your words and capitilized certain words to indicate a sort of yelling. One thing that was wierd was in line 6 'My M I nd' I don't know if that is supposed to be like that but im pretty sure it's not. WEll I don't know what you where thinking when you wrote this but if it is a past experience I hope it is imaginary and no one has been hurt. Another thing I find wierd about this poem is that there are ony 1 to 4 words on every line and that to me just seems a bit wierd. You don't use a lot of words to describe the situation but it was still very interesting and the few words you did use where detailed. This is overall a really good piece and I hope to read more like it exceot maybe in a more happier sense.
Samantha of the CC
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05-01-2007
Brian Dickenson
I agree with the earlier comments so there is little point in reiterating them.
That said, I did find this an intriguing write. I conveyed a sense of terror and bewilderment.
It was like the dream we have when we wake up in a cold sweat, thankfully to realise we are still in our own bed.
I think this piece will mean many things to those who read it.
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