Liar
by
Leigh G.
(Age: 14)
copyright 04-23-2007 Contest Winner
Age Rating: 10 to 127
I've walked the same road for so long,
So many dusks have fallen,
But I have yet to find a dawn.
You seem to cause every dusk
But I know there must be a dawn somewhere...
Maybe,
If I walk away from you,
I'll finally find that dawn
Or...
Will I be dooming myself to an endless night?
Why is it becoming so hard to determine how I feel about you?
While I can make choices about the well-being of my family and friends so easily,
Thinking of you just continues the war in my mind
Whether I hate you,
Or if I love you
Goodbye might be the most logical;
But you keep rejecting my farewells
And manipulating me,
So it's my choice...not to say goodbye
And I can only blame myself...
When I look back
Maybe I'm the one that's holding on after all,
Letting go is something I know I should do...
But I don't want to, and you use that against me
Maybe you secretly hate me too,
And that's why you convince me into holding on
Just so I'm the one to blame,
I'm the one at fault,
To slowly decay at my sanity inside
So I can only hate myself, when I look back
Do you smile every time I feel the pain you cause?
Do you laugh every time I feel like crying,
And hide it all away?
Is that what makes you happy?
I always thought you were the one holding on,
But I'm looking at it a little differently now
And using my hate to my advantage...
To see though the veil of deception I wove for myself
If I can view you in a different way...
To decide if I should hate you,
If you're really my enemy,
Or if I my original assumption was correct...
And the only one to hate is me,
Because you could be my friend
But I'm to selfish to risk being close to you again
Maybe I'm too easily influenced,
By the war going on around me
Or perhaps...we're both at serious fault
And we just don't understand
Maybe there's no one to hate...
Maybe we don't hate each other...
And everything is misinterpreted?
I don't know what you're thinking,
Or what your reasons are,
I hardly understand myself
I've lost the ability
To see what you're thinking
To know what you're really feeling,
Past those enigmatic eyes
If we keep this up,
We'll just dodge each other
Until the end of our time
I've tried to find a resolve,
But you've refused to walk that road
You've rejected me, so why not accept my goodbye?
I don't know which parts of the story you tell me are lies
I know there's at least one lie in your words...
But could you just tell me...
I promise to tell the truth too...
So we can have our last goodbye?
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Very deep, but I think it could be written better. It's very rough to read and I found a few grammatical errors.
"Or if I my original assumption was correct..." should be "Or if my original assumptions were correct..."
Also in the line, "And everything is misinterpreted?" The way that stanza is written that should not be posed as a question, so instead of a question mark put a period.
Despite those few errors it is a very nice poem. Keep writing and you'll keep improving as you go.
~Brittney~
Great poem! I like this poem. I can relate to a lot. It's hard to understand others, I must admit. I love how the poem kind of shows your thoughts. I also especially like the first stanza because it's kinda like a big metaphor. The way you used dusks and dawns to describe things was original and worked very well. Awsome Job! I love this poem a lot!
Splendid! Should I or shouldn't I? Say goodbye and go. But the constant tension and inner conflict really make this poem a really good one. 100, they say. Congratulations! Keep it up. Oh, you might analyze while you are writing how many of the five sense you can involve. That makes for even better poems.
Yours,
Wayne
wow that gave me a headache lol your writing is like your emails and etc.......LONG. Lol Although it was good possibly rambling but each paragraph has a line and you have to express them. I really enjoy how you make this seem really complicated because that is how it is in real life. I have often felt like this many times, wether I should let go or stay. I think my favorite part of this poem is when you are describing dusk and how you want to see the dawn but if you let go you have no idea if you will see the dawn, and maybe if you do stay things will get better and dusk will become a dawn. But I also look at is it as anything can get better but you have to get away from the cause, and you might start seing the sunrise but you will actually never see the dawn until you are rid of your problem completely.
That might be confusing, I don't know, but I really enjoyed this poem, I have just read two fascinating and realyl good poems in a row, and that isn't often with me. Usually I find flaws everywhere. Anyway really good, loved it bravo. Kepp up the work, knowing you you will.
Antha of the CC
If there was ever a description of a love/hate relationship, or of the confusion two lovers felt when confronted with not knowing, truly, how the other felt, their motivations, and all the little things that can cause a couple's love to disintegrate, but still fearing the separation, those are all included here. The formatting is very good, the wording is very straight-forward which only accents the drama of potential separation, or even potential continuance of the relationship. And ending it without clearly resolving the difficulty, was the only way to really signify the depth of disturbance on both the couple's attitudes--real or imagined. Again, a very difficult subject, skillfully presented and done in a way that carries the reader smoothly from beginning to end. On the technical, one little thing more. Line 55, beginning with "But...." the word "to" should be "too." A small thing. But except for that I couldn't see anything to mark in red. This is another excellent write! Thank you!!
A truly memorable 100th poem. Just amazing... I don't know how many times I've used these same exact words to describe your poetry, but what can I do? There's just so much meaning in here, so much wonder and feeling, that I really am just speechless...
I wonder if anyone will really be able to understand themselves. Me, I have no idea what I really am, and I don't know if I'm comfortable with that. The goal of my life is to know who, what I am. But how can I do that when all I ever do is doubt myself? Should I just give up and do whatever my brain dictates, instead of my heart and soul?
Maybe your dilemma is similar. Maybe trying to find out what you want to do is really about trying to find out who you are. Ourselves make our decisions; therefore, shouldn't we know ourselves to make the best decisions? The answer is always in your heart; you just have to find it.
Maybe we can help each other find ourselves? Two heads work better than one, I've heard many times. However, I believe two hearts work best.
At times like these, life doesn't seem to be life at all. But you have long years ahead of you. Instead of thinking all the bad things that might happen, think of all the good things you know are going to happen. Because, there's always some good. Always.
Welcome !
Contest Winner
