Could Only Be Me
by
Leah G.
(Age: 15)
copyright 04-25-2007
Age Rating: 7 to 127
I wander in darkness like beauty so
A foggy day of misty delight
And all my hidden and exposed secrets bestow
In my heart and eyes so bright
To reveal my true self would go
Into ruining the fun of my confusion incite
A wish to wish, a dream to dream
The idea of which that my heart drifts
The grace, the goal of beauty, a beam
Lo, such a charismatic set of gifts
My passion, my goal, no ordinary scheme
Of that achievement, just the thought, my soul lifts
Yet hidden in shadows, I follow none
Officious, maybe, I sometimes may be
Thou ideas of others sometimes I have shun
Thou none truly represents me
Is my character fully done?
I am an emcee to creativity
Endless ideas dwell in my head
Perfect until proven wrong
Half of which shall never be said
Beautiful thought and place to belong
More in need for the path ahead
The path ending in death, a path so long
Eyes whose tears are dew drops of dawn
Oh, the smile that shines of the sea
Who peaceful good days continue on
Walks in sun shine wherever she may be
Timid and soft as a fawn
Someone so diverse could only be me
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How nice to make your acquaintance! This is aan excellent meaty poem that is one of the best I've read on P-n-P in a long time. It's well written and obviously the product of much thought. The imagery msakes it live, puts it above the dullness of all too much verse. Still, it needs a little tweaking. Last line of stanza one could use a reewrite--it just doesn't make a lot of sense as it stands. Then, in the third stanza, thou should be though, and another word at the same line (senior moment; I've forgotten it!) Ah, well--top notch effort. I think I'll go back and read it again! Very, very good! Four stars.
This was beautiful. I love how you say you don't want to unconfuse yourself because that wouldn't be as fun. That is just like me. If you think about it that is people in general we could do things the easy way but we choose to do them the hard way. I love your description, that is what most poems are lacking these days is giving the reader a visual image (i have these issues) Ir is also true that most things that are actually smart lay in our heads and are usually never even spoken. Then again if we said everything on our minds we'd be rambling forever and then hat would we talk about lol? Well anyway this was so good, and personally one of the best poems i've read in a while. I liek your style of writing
Keep it up.
Antha of the CC
Wow, I'm only late by one day and you've got three other comments! You've got fans, my similarly-named friend. :) Although I've only read three of your poems, I enjoyed this one the most because of the flow and how the topic was more solid, and interesting to me. Your descriptions pull the reader into another world, and the topic is easy to relate to and understand. And it didn't feel like it was being held back by rhyming, but you still used rhymes to make it flow better. I didn't find any spelling or grammar errors here, and I'd say more but my mother needs the phone line open, so I must sign off! Good work, Leah! Glad you're steadily posting!
Let me see what I can add to what has already been said. I like the ending, especially. Are you giving us some glancing humor, there? I think so. Regardless, it's quite delightful and bring the entire write into balance. A difficult subject, a difficult rhyme scheme, and you carried it all very well. I like the imagery very much and the texture that you achieved with some words, especially. This is an excellent write! One technical comment: 3rd stanza. 4th line. Thou should maybe be "Though" as in although? It is a well-balanced write from beginning to end, and has all the elements that I love to see. Definite beginning, progression, and ending. With lots of imagery and texture and emotion and some subtle humor added. And a rhyme scheme that is well done! I know you'll keep writing, but let me say it anyway: "Please, keep writing!
Welcome !
