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Never Loud Enough
by
Alma H.
(Age: 15)
copyright 04-29-2007
Age Rating: 10 to 127
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I can hear you,
Can you hear me?
I tell you over and over,
But you still don't see.
Am I your child,
Or paint on the wall?
You do have more than one child,
But you like them tall.
I'm never loud enough for you,
But you hear them crystal clear.
You forget everything I say,
But to them, you will steer,
I am just as important,
No matter what the reason.
I should always be loved,
Throughout every season.
I shouldn't have to repeat myself,
They never have to.
It's always been more about them,
Even in stew.
I'm never loud enough,
When your hearing is the best.
To you, I'm nothing,
when you love the rest.
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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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12-24-2007 Richard Reed Jr
Gosh,
This sure is a tough way to develop, but it should build great character. And I think it probably has.
I liked the way to expressed yourself greatly.
Great words and phrases -emotion came across well.
Excellent rhythm and rhyme.
~Rich
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09-03-2007 Emily Garwood
this is a good poem one that almost every person could relate due to that fact that every brother sister feels like the other one has the most attention though in some cases how we feel could actually be true which would be the sad part you can feel how sad it feels to be alone and unloved and the stress f repeating yourself over and over hoping you're heard. this is a good poem that flows easily and has alot of meaning to it aswell as emotion keep it up.
emy
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06-11-2007 Brittney N. N.
How sad. The feelings every child with a siblig feels once or twice in their life. I know how this is when it comes not only to family but friends and even teachers. This poem is very easy for anybody to relate too, even those who are an only child. Not only that, but it's very well written with a beautiful flow to it. It is easy to read and has some meaning in it. Very good job.
~Brittney!
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05-16-2007 Wayne Thomas
Back to my childhood days! I was the oldest of four, and it seemed to me that my younger siblings got all the attention. I resented it, of course, but for the most part had to deal with it, even if a good deal of it was my own imagination. I won't repeat what the others have said, just to say that I loved the spare verse and the uncomplicated rhyme (have to agree on use of "stew") and hope you keep up the good work. Thanks, Wayne
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05-14-2007 Leigh G.
Good work. I can understand the theme, just not the way it's applied... I'm an only-child (who gets spoiler by both parents and grandparents :D *hugs brand-new digital camera B-day present*) but I can relate to feeling unseen and unheard. And on the grammar front...Huzzah! Almost all proper capitalization! Could you sense me about to poke at the last line? :) Anyway, I liked the structure and rhythm of this poem and how you were able to rhyme without holding the poem back. I'd ramble more, but we have Dial-Up and my mother has to use the phone... Good work, keep writing!
Leigh of the Commenting Community
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05-03-2007 Leah G.
That was great! I love rhyming poems. I can relate to this poem, I live with 3 other siblings. Some rhymes seemed forced, like in stanzas 2 and 5 with the lines "but you like them tall." and "even in stew." Those subjects are random and irrelevant- to me at least. In line 3 of stanza 2, you don't need the work "do." it would help the meter to take it out. This is a great write, but with a bit more effort it can be perfect! Can't Wait to read more!
Leah
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05-01-2007 Samantha P.
I definitaily can relate to this a lot and my comments all vary a lot on my mood. I have written several poems like this but later on I never submit them because somewhere deep down I know my parents care. They give us warmth,food,a place to sleep, and much more. I think the people with siblings (like myself) is that they are always getting mad if someone gets more attention then them. Or also if you are getting food they get mad because someone gets more then them. But honestly I think kids are defined by their attitude due to the fact that most argue and whine about little things. Although you are right in somecases. Others are treated unfairly and their is possibly a favorite. But parents have a hard time letting go of their going ones and giving them their privelages knowing it will be their last. And a hard time letting go of the oldest because they dont want to see them leave.
Very good poem, possibly more description could be added.
Antha of the CC (sry for rambling)
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04-30-2007 Frank Fields
Perhaps because this write is so under-stated, it makes it all that more significant of the damage that parents' perceived lack of attention and even love can cause. The plea for "equal time" is clearly heard and the hurt because it isn't forthcoming, is also made clear. This is a nice, smooth write, and doesn't get too complicated. Which is good. On the technical, one small thing, one not so small. The small thing: the ending of the 3rd stanza could have a period after the last word. The comma seems to be a typo. The not so small: 5th stanza, last line, the word "stew" seems to be contrived. Almost as if a word had to be found that fit the rhyme scheme. It seemed to disturb the otherwise smooth flow. You write well, however. This is a good piece.
William :)
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