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The letter to Paul, The story of a rape victim
by
Shannon W.
(Age: 16)
copyright 05-31-2007
Age Rating: 13 to 127
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Paul,
It has been eight years since you last physically hurt me and yet I still hurt inside. I hurt for me, I hurt for you, I hurt for everyone else that you might have also done damage to. How could you do those evil things to me? I was seven years old and you were seventeen! I was just so young, so little, so vulnerable. I was only a child.
Because of you I almost ruined my family, I almost ruined myself. I cried over you, I cut over you, I wanted to die because of you! I feel so bad for you and your family. I feel bad for you because what normal teenage boy rapes a seven year old girl. I also feel bad for your daughter. She is so little; a mini version of me. It scares me that you have a daughter.
Everyday I am reminding of you and and the pain and humiliation you have brought upon me. I no longer cry over you. I am done crying.
It was eight years ago, such a long time. I am no longer seven. I am fifteen and yet I still can feel the effects of what you have done to me. I am major trust and self esteem issues now and also I am extremely claustrophobic. I can not look at another guy with out wondering if he will do the same to me as you did. I still feel dirty from you, will I ever feel clean again?
I see you at least twice a month, your face no longer scares me. Though your memories at times still haunt me. what really scares me is that you have a daughter who soon will be seven just as I was.
I know I should have turned you in, but I was too scared, still am. Instead you carry on in your life leaving me forever damaged. I just have one question for you: Why? Why did you do it?
Shannon
***This is a true story. I wrote this letter to him, but I have no intentions of actually sending it.***
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09-20-2007 BJ Niktabe
You are a very brave young woman, Shannon. I am not a rape victim, but a victim of child molestation, and it took me until I was an adult before I could share my story with anyone. My story is here at PnP, and it's called "In The Basement." It's told through the eyes of the child I once was. Unfortunately, because of the sensitive topic, you won't be able to read it until after your next birthday, but I hope you do come back to it then.
I do agree with Denise that there are a few 'fixes' that need attention, but I truly admire you for your ability to open up and let others know how it feels to be a victim. It's a hard thing to do, but it's necessary to tell your story so you can continue down the road to healing. Congratulations for taking that step!
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06-18-2007 Denise Fairgrieve
There are a few things that you need to fix in this piece that are very minor. Like reminding should be reminded, and "I am major..." should be 'I HAVE major..." I'm also not sure if claustrophobic is what you want, that is for those who can't stand tight places. You want something that would convey your next sentence about being afraid of guys.
I'm very sorry this had to happen to you. I don't really know what that would be like. (I was raped by someone my age.)
I only hope that through therapy you can learn to let go of some of this and move on. As soon as you can do this, your life will be MUCH better. But it is a great thing that you know YOU didn't do anything wrong. That is always the first step.
I wish you all the luck in the world. Take care.
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