Slipping On My Words
by
Debra Rose
(Age: 21)
copyright 05-14-2007
Age Rating: 16 to 127
Slipping on my own words
Questioning the reliability of my instincts
wondering at the feelings inside of me.
When I'm beside you,
is when I feel like I can't breathe,
willing to cast off my dreams,
or find a way to include you in them.
When I'm alone,
I get too much time to think,
I start doubting with my insecurities,
wondering if you're worth forgetting everything.
Going back,
doing it again,
trying to learn the taste of your skin.
Wondering at the prelude of my own arousal,
wondering if it's just another sign that I'm crumbling.
If I stay in your arms all night,
will I make it past morning?
The ripple of your flesh proves the wisdom true--
Wait till all your clothing is on
before the first time you say "I love you"
The last two lines are the wisest bit of advice my dad ever gave me. "Never tell someone you love them for the first time when both of you are naked." lol
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"wondering if you're worth forgetting everything"
You always amaze me with your work, there is almost a subtle hint to something else found in the words, even if you don't really realize it.
I have to say that the line I put above is my favorite, it is something that we all think at one time or another, even if we don't put it into such words.
Beautiful write darling.
Again, I am moved by the emotion of your words and can relate to the scenario. SO many of our memories are infused with sensory perceptions - textures of skin, aromas, subtleties of curve and hollow, looks, touches, melodies - the many things that form the bond we have with those we lust and love after...you always depict these things so well. Great stuff, Debra Rose.
On the technical, I didn't find anything to pick at. Everything in it's proper place, kind of thing. Which is good. I don't mean to sound trite. I think you carried us very well from the beginning to the ending and with some purpose which was also accomplished. But, even with the wisdom of the last line, I felt a vague cynicism, a real lack of an emotional barrage. I recognize, however that given the subject and it's development, that a lack of angst was appropriate. What left to say? Good choice of words, but not overpowering. Imagery was evident, but again, not what it might have been. I really wish I could find something to pick at. LOL Just teasing, of course. ^^ This piece is nice and compact, well done, nicely thought out and developed. This is a good piece! (Leigh, you may have the honors....)
Welcome !
