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Virtue of Tomorrow .:Prelude:.
by Elysia Foster (Age: 20)
copyright 08-12-2007


Age Rating: 13 to 127

 
The sound of clashing swords rings out across the tundra. Sparks fly, screams erupt, blood rains like water from a sieve onto the disrupted earth. The formerly brilliant castle of the once peaceful ice kingdom has become a blazing inferno. Soldiers pour from the doors frantically trying to defend the palace. Swords flash in the light from the burning fires as citizens run in search of safety. One soldier stands out in the battle, a tall figure rising above the rest. The firelight flicks against his armor, as his sword sparks around him. Long silver hair falls past strong shoulders, flowing in stringy swirls about him as he fights.

“Princess! Princess, where are you?”

A young girls voice calls down from above him.

“Shigeru!”

In response, the young warrior runs towards the voice. Though he is denied easy passage back into the castle halls his determination to get to the voice drives him through everyone that blocks his path. Before long he staggers upon a door.

“Princess, are you safe?”

A frightened voice emanates from behind the locked door.

“Shigeru! Hatsusa locked the door!! I’m trapped in here!”

“Princess, get away from the door, I’m coming in.”

He braces and shoves himself against the door, but it holds strong. He glares at the door.

Shit. I helped the king design these doors. They’re solid oak several inches thick meant to keep anyone out. Now these very doors have her locked in…Wait…

“Princess, these doors lock from the inside, are you sure you can’t open them?”

“Hatsusa destroyed the inside of the lock, no matter how much you turn it, it doesn’t budge!”

“There should be a secret passage out of your room into the hallway, can you use it?”

No Response. In the silence, the cries from outside impress upon Shigeru the direness of the situation.

“Princess? Is something wrong?”

“Well…I don’t know where it is….”

Shigeru sighs, clearly annoyed.

She never did pay enough attention in her lessons.

He begins checking the walls in the hallway.

There should be something to trigger the door from here…This is why I hate hidden doors. What good do they do if no one knows where they are?

He runs his hands along the walls in search of a crack, line or anything that might signify a hidden door. Begining to grow frustrated he starts moving faster, banging harder. In no time, his air has completely changed. He frantically bangs against every surface hoping, praying, for a response. Finally… a section moves. He quickly slips through the crack in the wall.

Outside, the battle rages on. The attacking force seems to have no end. They fall in waves upon the castle. Inside, Shigeru has finally reached the princess. Despite the attack, she looks as if nothing was wrong. Her beautiful sea green hair is pulled back on top of her head with a beautiful silk bow in a royal blue. A long ponytail that reaches almost to the floor falls down from the bow. Long bangs frame her flawless face. Her white kimono with its icy blue lining is enchanting as it trails on the floor behind her. But despite her appearance, her light blue eyes are full of fear. She runs to Shigeru in a panic.

“Shigeru! What’s going on? Why is this happening?”

“Princess, We have to get you out of here!”

“But how? The door is locked and the hallways are teeming with Hatsusa’s men. They’ll never let me leave!”

Shigeru pulls her close to him. The sound of his heartbeat in her ear calms her. He holds her for a moment before grasping her shoulders and looking her straight in the eyes.

“I’ll never let Hatsusa get his hands on you. Never.”

The determination in his eyes gives her strength. She pulls herself up and nods. Shigeru takes her hand and leads her through the door in the wall. They run. The passage in the wall expands out before them. Shigeru’s grip on her arm is unbreakable as he pulls her along the passageways inside the palace walls. Suddenly, they come upon another door. Shigeru stops and motions to her to remain silent. He carefully opens the door a small crack and looks out. The door leads to right outside the palace gates.

“Perfect.”

He grabs the princess’s hand again, and quickly slips out the door. Every cell in his body is focused on getting the princess to safety. They run towards the woods, hoping and praying to go unnoticed. The princess is having trouble keeping up with Shigeru’s fast pace. She stumbles and falls. Unwillingly, she cries out in distress. Shigeru is instantly on guard. He knows the cry will alert the soldiers to their whereabouts. He quickly helps her up and they continue to run. Behind them, the sound of armored footsteps is approaching. Shigeru lets go of the princess’s hand and pushes her toward the forest.

“Run! Don’t stop, whatever you do!”

“I can’t leave you!”

“You have to!! Run! I’ll be right behind you!”

She hesitates a moment before turning to run. Behind her she can here the sounds of Shigeru fighting intensely. She forces herself to keep running. She knows no matter how much she cares she can’t help him, so she runs. She runs, and runs till her heart feels it’s going to explode in her chest. Finally, she reaches the woods. As she pauses to catch her breath, she turns back toward her kingdom. As she watches her once beautiful kingdom burn, her heart fills with sorrow. But she’s not allowed much time for mourning, as her attention is drawn to a group of figures fighting in front of the castle gate.

Shigeru is vastly outnumbered. Their escape seems to have drawn the attention of half the attacking force. A group of soldiers break off from Shigeru and head for the forest. Shigeru spots them and runs after them. The other soldiers follow behind him. He reaches the rouges and engages them as the princess watches the rest of the enemies’ reach where Shigeru is. In his fervor he fails to see the others approaching from behind him. The princesses’ terror overwhelms her and she cries out to Shigeru to look out, but all too late. One warriors' sword pierces Shigeru from behind.

“SHIGERU!!!!!”

Her cry alerts the soldiers to her position. A group takes off towards her. Shigeru continues to fight but with fading strength. Another sword blow to the side, and he collapses onto the ground.


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08-25-2007 Leigh G.    

Very nice, very nice! This piece is very professionally written, but Shigeru doesn't get a description. Is this because he's dead after this battle?

Anyway, the first thing that disconcerted me was your tense: present tense is very hard to make flow, so I pride you on that. I stick with present tense as hard as I do with third person, myself. XD

Anyway, for the most part this was ally easy to picture. Where there were descriptions were very professional, but in some places describing the location with a line or two mixed into the action would be good to keep in mind in the future. As Sam has pointed out all the misuses of punctuation, I feel no need to mention it myself. However, I do recommend using HTML instead of caps. Bold is a nice substitute for caps. Personally, I like putting thoughts in italics. You have this in most places, but you missed one:


There should be something to trigger the door from here…This is why I hate hidden doors. What good do they do if no one knows where they are?

Easy mistake: I add HTML after the chapter is complete and I often miss things if it doesn't start on the beginning of a line.

I agree with Meh (Mehrina) and the others on your small additions of humor, it keeps thing balanced and flowing. Shit. I helped the king design these doors. and She never did pay enough attention in her lessons. caught my attention. :)


Very good work on this chapter! Well, prelude. I'm off to read your first chapter now! If you plan on making this a very large book, I recommend using the Make A Book function when you have a few chapters posted, if you want to.



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