The Starry Sky
by
Hitomi N.
(Age: 17)
copyright 10-08-2007
Age Rating: 13 to 17
Picture Credits: http://www.google.com/images
Ah.....Again tonight there’s the fleeting starry sky Oh.....The shining stars are hanging with wishes...
Although worries will always endure, The door is opening Walking, falling, you’re the one that picks me up and gives me strength So you’ll become a proud star I’ll sing Now I wont do less than my best, I’ll become stronger like...
Unswaying love, this important love No one else is so precious This night is surely uneasy but We’re the one that won’t lose, but go on living...
Destiny is such a brutal thing Can’t we follow our expectations? It’s scattering, falling but this hand is here I’m carrying painful secrets for you while I sing Think of, believe, don’t forget this wish
Because who will surely hide weakness Aren’t you definitely scared? I’m sure I’ll come to understand We’re the one that won’t lose, but go on living...
It was fleeting and no more... There is no need for sadness
It was fleeting and no more, but There is no need for sadness, Though there are surely many obstacles We’re the one that won’t lose, but go on living...
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you recommend or rate the work highly...
It looks like you made some changes. Looking back over the comments, it seems like everyone was picking on you for something or other. Including me. The presentation is still a little different, but that's your choice. Endings of lines end. New lines begin with capitalized words, even if both are in the same line. The idea is still there, almost. Now, instead of seeing two lovers continuing on in their love, I see two lovers who had to separate, but who weren't destroyed by that. At least that idea is much stronger now.
I think all the the edits you made really helped your work, made it easier to read, and easier to understand. Thank you for being patient with all of us "editors." Please, let us read more of your works. ^^
Welcome !
