Love Never There
by
Walter Jones
(Age: 63)
copyright 06-07-2007
Age Rating: 13 to 127
Authors Note: this is a form and idea I playing with let me know what you think, thanks Walt
As the drink finds a new place
I stand in retrospect
never a sound
never a regret
just move along
life's path
empty and void
just move along
his stick
a gentle kick
down the road
just tired
old and
alone
Upon the dawn of a tired life
We often take the road
Seek man and wife
A comfort zone
No one is home
A house with windows and doors
A bedroom with empty floors
In time we see as children come
A place to hide a tear to succeed
Empty words upon an empty life
Truth takes a place cuts like a knife
Only in death will this end
Children raised gifts of joy
A warm embrace
A life given
Watch and grow
Yet we know
Just place to hide
Deep inside no love
From the well I still feel and the night winds come and I can tell it is not a game you are here again but you don't love me
I am just a tool to be safe and warm not even a friend just shelter from the storm I have played this well but you don't love me
As the days fade into memories and all-round me I other loves see you hid it well I could always tell you didn't love me
Words were said at altar kept I held my part you just have not left and I recall through the pain of it all you don't love me
From a mind gone
A simple song
As piano keys
A "company" me
Old lovers cry
Slowly I die
You don't love me
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I don't think you should use this style seriously. It's very rough and the read was a bit difficult. Also there were a few errors that made the read a little mroe difficult.
"Just place to hide" should be "Just a place to hide"
"I other loves see you hid it" is a grammar nightmare. I think this should be written as "I see other loves you've hid (or hidden)"
And "kept I held my part" should be "but I held my part" or just "I held my part"
Keep working on it though and experimenting and I'm sure you'll find a style all your own ^_^
~Brittney~
If this is "play," I don't think I would want to run into a serious effort. For my part, I think it is very powerful, very dramatic, very moving. The words and images, which are powered by the form, rub my emotions raw and I am forced to see within this world you offer.
Also forced to stop and start as you want, to make me hear and see the visions presented. This cannot be compared to any established form or format. It must stand by itself, which it does quite well.
I will thank you for presenting this, but I will cry with you for a life without love.