From Rosies to Ashes, and Posies to Dust
by
Brittney N. N.
(Age: 17)
copyright 06-23-2007
Age Rating: 13 to 127
Authors Note: I wrote this in response to a good friend reading my poem "Can't Let Go"
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Ring around red rosies,
the symbol of love.
Pockets full of posies,
innocent like a dove.
Ashes, ashes
we all fall down.
To pieces, to pieces
my heart falls out.
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
Will pain follow love?
It must it must.
What comes next?
From pain to lust.
A vicious cycle,
By one may ask why.
Nobody knows.
So just love, lust,
then die.
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I like the way you twisted the Ring-Around-The-Rosies game. This poem actually reminds me a lot of the history, and quite gruesome facts behind the Ring-Around-The-Rosies game.
It deals with the plague.... Black Death.. etc. etc. I'm not going into more detail. *shudders*
I agree with Samantha; quite spooky. It reminded me of the actual movie, Halloween. You know, with all the creepy, homicidal kids with huge eyes, and the masks, and everything. *shudder*
Well, I myself do not like the Ring-Around-The-Rosies game. In fact, I loathe it with all my heart. So this was a bit of a surprise; you took the song and changed it so something so much more... I don't know the word... global?
Truth is, I think this gives an actual meaning to the Red Rosies song/game. I never managed to pick up what the actual thing meant. Like, there's no meaning at all. I don't even get how ashes get into the game. So when I read this, I was thinking, was this what the people who invented the Red Rosies song/game were thinking when they put in the ashes?
Well, an impressive poem! I admire the ending, "SO just love, lust, then die." It's the kind of phrase you'd use for the generalization of life's dark side. So good work!
~*Meh*~
P.S. You need a comma after the first "It must", though, so be sure to correct that!
lol this was so spooky it reminded me of holloween
or sumthing
i like your word selection and variety
it was so beautiful how it flowed and i love how you took ring around the rosies and mixed it in
that reminded me of the black plague
i didnt see any mistakes and i thought it was just the right size to describe everything
however one thing i didnt dislike but didnt enjoy was your love,l;ust and die
that was a bit wierd
cuz there is more to life
and wanna kno sumthign freaky as i was writing this i live in the mountains so someone jsut shot a gun not 50 yards away and that is so illegal so i flipped out like maybe its a sing or sumthing? i dunno
great poem
Antha
The writing style is almost playful, light and breezy, until you stick us in the heart with a knife. I remember feeling that way often when I was young and getting rejected at every turn and the girl I loved loved someone else. But I haven't felt that way in a very long time. I've been married now over 35 years, and despite the inevitable ups and downs, love makes things work out all right--when both partners are willing to work, that is. A very well done piece. Interesting.
Wayne
Very nice, very nice! I liked your comparisons, and there was some pretty good flow going on. It also seemed more original than the last poem I read of yours. There is one thing that seems a little off, the lack of continuous caps in the first paragraph and almost flawless capitalization in the second paragraph. Sorry, I'm a b!tc# it caps. XD
Anyway, I liked the message in this piece. Your comparisons and choice of words accented the overall form and topic. Good work, keep writing!
This was absolutely amazing. So well written and full of very painful imagery. I liked how you changed the pattern at the end. Much like Shelley did in a few of his poems. Much love to your poetry. You really do wonderful work!
Welcome !
