When We Stop Running
by
Chelsea Armstrong
(Age: 22)
copyright 06-29-2007
Age Rating: 16 to 127
Drastic and desperate measures are needed.
Needed from time to agonizing time.
Which sometimes can mold the path before us.
Nothing is written in stone, nor is our path chosen.
Hence the beautiful design of our complex minds.
Perhaps and action or a key event.
That will shed further light upon our lives.
Or thrust us into the twisting nether of evilness.
No matter which is chosen one can always change.
Harnessing both energies to aid themselves.
Personal experience I speak from...
From the word go, I was premeditating my demise.
That fateful day I let the madness take hold.
Hurling my soul into a never ending cycle of negative.
Negative raw energies that fueled me.
As the nightmares and the evil dead haunted me.
I tried to hide myself, hide from the evilness.
The evilness that called out to my soul.
Screaming, diluting my minds shielding.
So now I walk in and out of the shadows.
Kept close by the dark...
Able to bend but not able to break its holds.
I stand before you...A man.
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I enjoyed this piece Chelsea. I like how at the beginning you took popular phrases and twisted them into something new. I also enjoyed the longer lines, but the fact that everything ended with a period threw some of the flow off. A few commas could help with this. I ditto Wayne's corrections, concerning the 'and' and the 'evilness.' I found it was used too many times within a short period [one of my pet peeves,] so maybe you can find different words?
Sorry if the comment seems all negative-- t'isn't! T'is constructive. I really like this piece, especially the third and last stanza's. Those seem the most alive to me, and I can associate with those easily. Keep up the great work!
Hello there. I have heard your request and have come to comment on this poem. Now, where to begin?
One of the most engaging parts of the poem comes in the first stanza: indeed, some desperate times call for desperate measures. I have had my share of those times and have had to take those measures, the divorce of my parents and college roommate trouble being only two examples. The part about negative energy should be familiar to most readers: the two incidents I mentioned have given me enough "negative energy" to last me a good long while. The most eye-catching part comes near the end, when you mention wrestling with the darker half of your soul.
In my opinion, one of the greatest strengths of this poem is the empathy that this poem evokes from those that have "stopped running" and faced their problems and tough times. Another strength is the concise word choice and inspired poetic rhythm. The title itself grabs attention and merits a closer look into the content. Sir Wayne offered the major criticism that could be offered, but I have also found a couple of grammar mistakes. In the last sentence of the fourth stanza, minds should be mind's (it is possessive). In the third sentence of the last stanza, I am confused by the sentence "Able to bend but not able to break its holds." Do you mean "Able to bend but not able to break its hold "? Those two sentences were a couple of things I could find.
Overall, this is pretty good. I like the theme and idea behind the poem and the truths you present. Life experience tends to make many people more mature and wiser, though it can sometimes be rough. Anyway, good job and keep up the good work!
Wahoo! First comment dance! You've got the makings of a good one here-it's plenty good already, but a few kinks to iron out: you have an "and" that should be "an" early on. And unless memory of years teaching English prove me wrong, "evilness" should be just plain "evil". Just a little edit should do it. I like the cogent free verse and the overall rhythm of the piece. Keep it up.
Wayne
Welcome !
