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Hole in the Heart
(Deleted)


by Jordan Screws (Age: 28)
copyright 07-14-2007


Age Rating: 10 +

My father, my father,
Why hath thou forsaken me?
I knew we were not close
But you were still my father.

Though you were not
Of the upper crust
And did not earn a fortune
You were still my father.

What you did have was love
From my mother and me
And many caring friends
For you were my father.

But on the fateful day in June
You turned your back on us
And all you had built
But you were still my father.

What did the other woman have
That we could not give?
My mother was sick and heartbroken
But you were still my father.

A year after that dreadful day
And my heart still has not healed
My father, my father,
Why hath thou forsaken me?






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        04-04-2010     phantomwrays        

Dear Jordan, I really loved this poem. I especially like the line that said : "What did the other woman have
That we could not give?"
The feeling of 'Why was I not enough?' Its a hard thing to go through, and I hope it gets easier for you.
Victoria

        03-09-2008     Eric Gasparich        

I assume you were well aware of the biblical allusion in your use of the phrase "My father ... Why hath thou forsaken me?" I hope you will permit me to *risk* getting preachy for a moment (I will try to avoid it.)

It might not have been an accident that I came across your effort at this time of the year. (FYI: March 23 is the second earliest date on which Easter can occur- except possibly for the Eastern Orthodox, I'm not sure.) As I approach Passion Week, I find the reference to be particularly poignant. If I have anything to offer that might somehow be of comfort to you, consider this: it is thought by many that there is someone who understands the depths of human misery and betrayal. Many men have tried to wax eloquent over the meaning of Christ's words from the cross. I cannot say who said it best- if anyone has or could- but I always think of this from GK Chesterton:

... Nay, (the matter grows too difficult for human speech,) but let the atheists themselves choose a god. They will find only one divinity who ever uttered their isolation; only one religion in which God seemed for an instant to be an atheist.

In my never humble opinion, this is all of a piece with the most profound idea in all of human history: the idea that The Maker of All Things- who wears the heavens like a garment that He will cast off when it is worn out- nevertheless hears the cry of the Oppressed, and the lament of the Widow and the Fatherless. The idea is counterintuitive, to say the least (so counterintuitive even those hyper-intelligent Greeks missed it.) I do not know if you can believe it, but I hope you can find some comfort in the idea.

I suspect this poetic effort is an attempt to salve the wound, but it is also a fine poetic idea. You use the words of a man who knew - and some think knows even now- your sense of abandonment, and I am really stunned at how effective this is. The entire poem is a poetic transposition, without having to move suggestively from one thing to another. I usually save "5s" for efforts that are good both technically and in content. But in this case, any technical deficiencies are swallowed up by the power of the idea.

        01-10-2008     Cassie Sweeney        

Aww I'm sorry to hear this. It's ok. My dad's not much better than yours :( I've always wanted a regular family with a decent dad. All well just know there's other people that love you. If he doesn't want to be in your life he doesn't deserve to be. That's what I think. I'm sorry to hear about this, great write!
~Cassie JSG~

        01-04-2008     Nancy Pawley        

Jordan, your poem brought tears to my eyes. To be forsaken by anyone that you truly love can leave a hole in your heart and soul the size of Texas. All I can say is that time is the great healer of all woulds; physical, emotional and spiritual. Writing can be a great healer as well. Keep up the good work.
Nancy

        08-06-2007     Tammy Frascona        

First I wanna say Congratulations on becoming a director.... Awesome!!!

About your poem... I felt a part of me shudder and weep for your loss, feelings, and questions.
I hope you find the answers you seek. Also your words are as loud as they can be and I know this must be hard for you to not feel resentment and frustration so writing in this style probably helped you cope with your emotions and I think you are a wonderful person for being able to do this so beautifully.
Tammy F.

        08-02-2007     Mehrina Asif        

I'm not quite sure how to comment on this. I'm always afraid I'm going to say something obnoxious or something like that. But I'll give it a try.

Families are messy, you know? The best we can do in situations like this is to remind ourselves that your family, no matter how much pain they've caused, is still your family. And giving up on them isn't really an option, I guess. My brothers are really shaking my family up, and a lot of times, I just lost my temper. But I got older and I developed a useful tool called selective memory. I don't keep the memories of how horrible my brothers used to act. It doesn't mean that they're all erased, but by forgetting past wrongs, my brothers and I are best friends now. ^-^ My oldest brother even takes me to the movies every time a new movie comes out, even though my mom has now forbidden me to go to the movies at midnight...

But then, that's sibling-related. Everybody has those problems, and they're pretty minor. I can't relate to something like your situation. But, you know, just don't give up! You never know what will happen in the future, so just aim for a great one, eh? Wait to see what'll happen; there's always the big chance that everything will turn out okay. Of course, there's also an equally big chance that things might not... but then, it's a big world. Just hang in there, okay? And support your mom, too! Stick together and you'll be okay!

If it just gets all over your head, you know you can always talk to Leigh or me! Whether it helps or not, we'll always be around! So cheer up, okay? Keep your chin up!

Your Friend!
~*Meh*~

        07-15-2007     Samantha Powers        

This seems so sad. I love how yu style your words and even if many people have done something liek that and written about it you give it a fresh meaning to it.
It's been a while since ive been on and a while since ive seen a pice from you.
my opinion on this piece gives me very strong opinions about how love and cheating is so mixed up and how wrong things like that is.
good luck with the work, wonderful piece and good job

        07-15-2007     Jack Curson        

The truth must be told, however don't harbor these rooted feelings, express them. You may never get the chance. So many times we write what we feel and never actually share the context with the persons needing to hear.

        07-14-2007     Leigh Gilholm Fisher        

About fifteen minutes ago, eh? Works for me, I get to be the first comment! And I don't have to be painfully processional for a change...

The things with your father have been going for quite a while, eh? I remember back in 2005 when we meet how you resented him. In my situation, I think things would be kinda reversed...because it's my mother that wants the divorce. Anyway, I'm not very close to my father. He's intelligent, but very pigheaded and hard to talk to. There is one minor bright side you have: you didn't have to pick which parent to live with...

And keep in mind: ashita wa kyou yori mo. Or, tomorrow's going to be better than today.

For the poem structure itself: I'm glad you didn't hesitate in posting this, you're better with poems than you think. It had a good flow about it, and I don't have to rant about capitalization, punctuation, or any other grammatical crap...*and the angels sing* XD I lost patience with that sort of thing. I also liked the usage of older context with the thou and that sort. I never use it myself although I really like the effect because I have never been able to get the context right...

In the end, it does seem to hold to the saying a absolutely loathe, "you don't get to pick your family." The main reason I hate it, is because it's a very blunt a person doesn't want to hear at the hight of their pain, don't you agree? It just seems like something dismissive a person person says when they don't really give a damn.

Either way, great work on this one Jordan!


Leigh of the Commenting Community
Or Sailor Saturn Plushie With A Butcher Knife, take your pick.



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