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Plam Pluk
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Believe Him
by Jack Curson (Age: 32)
copyright 07-15-2007


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
Regret stands pushing upon the hearts of men,
Small, beleaguered worlds break down
Leaving motionless this desperateness buried inside.
Worry left without its companion,
Grasps upon the edge of solitude's cliff
Failing to take hold of this “Son of Man”.
Wrestling with night’s day
Bringing with it breath, Hope fills the air.
Forgotten!
Life becomes jumbled,
Careless we seek replacements for God’s word.
Our own trust thrusts an angry spear
Destined for His heart,
Hope's true survivor dies,
Giving the ravenous reason to doubt.
Ego drives the spirit,
Which drowns the soul,
Then poisons the body.
Love at first sight this world brings,
What a wicked web…
Would you look past this facade,
Move forward with given grace,
Knowing you are triumphant in His call?


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02-14-2008 Eric Gasparich    

In Line 14, is that supposed to be "Hope's" (possessive)?

Good poem. Really nice imagery, especially this:

"Careless we seek replacements for God’s word.
Our own trust thrusts an angry spear
Destined for His heart,
Hopes true survivor dies,
Giving the ravenous reason to doubt."

Later on, it might be a touch too Manichean for my tastes, but there's no denying when you put second things (like the world) ahead of first things, you lose both.
08-06-2007 Brittney N. N.    

Very nice. You have quite a unique outlook on life and religion. Very deep and you choose your words very well. It's flow is very decent as well.
However, in line five "solitudes" should be "solitude's", and in line 8 "breathe" should be "breath". Other then those very minor mistakes a very good work. Keep it up ^_^
~Brittney~
07-17-2007 Emily Garwood    

This piece is amazing theres something about it that just makes me want to read it over and over i love how it sounds. It's a bit of a sad poem but i really just don't know theres really something in it so ovbiouxly theres alot of power in what you're saying and what you've said indeed is true and has lots of logic to it. Also a really good use AND choice of words too everything fits perfectly and flows well keep up the brilliant work
Emy
07-15-2007 Samantha P.    

wow this is so deep.
it almost makes me want tocry because its all so true.
most people never think about a lot of things about life.
and how things arent always how they appear and something that may be good for you is usually bad for someone else
or its good for a part of you but can make u feel so guilty. this was so phenomenal
i dont know if poison is spelled right however it coudl be on of those days where i cant spell the simplesest of words.
i didnt see any errors but if there are errors your piece seems to wrap someone up itno where they dont see them
you really cant rate someone bad for their opinions and such
not that i would becuz this is one of my favorite pieces from now on
lovely piece
Antha
Visitor Reads: 173
Total Reads: 212
Comments: 4

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