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 09-10-2007 Frank Fields
Another one that I let slip by. I was probably in a "blank" period. This piece is so sad and so righteous at the same time. Achieving absolution by asking a loved one to forgive you for your not loving them anymore, is such a reversal and shifting of responsibilities. But it is classical. In literature and in life. Some suggestions to make it even stronger--if you don't mind. Develop a rhythm to the work. Use imagery that is suggestive of the emotions you portray. Develop some textures, as you did with the piece that was imaged by lightning. Use punctuation really carefully to make us stop and start or pause where you want us to. Love deserves an image or two, maybe three. A crystal tear sparkling in its sadness with the setting sun. A heart's warm glow when touched by loving, caring hands. That sort of thing. Sorry, didn't mean to get carried away there. O///O Your work is excellent!!
Frank :)
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09-05-2007 Lauren T.
Samantha, your writing shows our human nature and how we always wish to have things another way. Losing a loved one is hard, or if they are fataly ill. Your peice was beautiful, for 15 this is a work of art.
I hope everything will be okay.
-Lauren
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07-19-2007 Leigh G.
Sorry for not commenting sooner! I can't sign on during the day in the summer...
I liked this piece! A familiar situation in the trials and tribulations of teenage love lives, but you kept it original. The flow is smooth, too. I liked your choice of words, even though after finally getting three of Plumb's CDs in the mail today, I can see were you inspiration comes from in some pieces. :) Either way, I this is a good and well-balanced piece. Despite the countless love poems I have read, this is still a very good one that stands out among the others. Keep it coming!
Leigh of the Commenting Community
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07-16-2007 Emily Garwood
Wow amazing, I don't know if this sounds right but you make it seem like it really is your fault you se words that just give the impression but love is love and when it doesnt work its no-ones fault it just means it wasn't meant to be although whe you're the one to end it you feel guilty and you're the one doing the hurting at the end you're hurting because you don't want to hurt anymore behind the lies you've left going....if that makes sense...sorry in my own little world today. This is a great right with lots of heart felt lines keep up the good work and remember its no ones fault it just wasn't meant to be.
Emy
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