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I was impressed with the subtle manner in which you approached your poem. The rhyming of the last word on the 2nd and 4 line of each verse. The only suggestion I would make is to be more consistent in the length of your lines. In order to retain the rhythm, it would be necessary to determine and maintain the same number of syllables in each sentence, when the rhythm is right the poem rolls easily across your tongue. You may want to give it a try.
Good luck.
this poem is so great its so great to have a best friend the repeated lines are good it really helps you to take it all in hope you keep writing i would love to read more of your stuff
Very nice Minako-san.
The repeating is fitting for this poem.
Writing for a friend is very fufilling isn't it?
It make you feel proud to have them as a friend and to say it for all to see is nice.
I loved it. The pictures put in were vivid and colorful, a beautiful poem in general.
Keep writing! You have a wonderful talent!!
- Lauren
A lovely, laid-back piece, easy to read, easy to follow, nice tight rhymes--a good write and a good read. For myself,, I would like to have seen some colors, sights, sounds, etc., but that'e me, the imagist. Anyhow, way to go!
Yours,
Wayne
This is some good work, I must say! I really enjoyed it. I can definitely relate. I liked the repetition you used. I found it very appropriate. I got the image of best friends sharing secrets and sorrows. I also could imagine that the best friend is a teddy bear because I used to tell all mine silly little things when I was little. Keep writing! :)
This one is so gentle, so quiet. I had to read it several times to make sure I wasn't missing a more dynamic presentation. The way you've presented this is dynamic enough! It doesn't need hand-wringing, gut-wrenching images. It works quite well, up to and including a quiet rhyme scheme that ties it all together. For me at any rate. LOL Couldn't even find a word to pick at here or there. I enjoyed this departure from all the angst. Thank you. ^_^
I really liked this piece! I feel this way about my one friend, too. Although, while I can relate to this poem easily it was on the short side and the repetition kinda took away from it a bit. Either way, this was a very good poem. I'm glad you're doing more of your own works over Sailor Moon related poems. They appeal to more crowds and people can relate to them. Either way, good work on this one! I'm off to comment on the other poem you submitted!
Welcome !
