Fighting to Live
by
Euna P.
(Age: 15)
copyright 09-06-2007
Age Rating: 13 to 127
I can see, I can see it
The skies above
Calling me,
Calling my name
Bars, a steel prison
I cannot stretch
My wings,
Respond to the call,
I am trapped
Let me free! Let me go!
I need to fly,
Need to hear something other
Than myself, this pain,
Open the door, turn the key in the lock
Or I will tear myself out
Beating my wings against the
Bars of the cage, I
Fight
And shriek and scream
I want out,
Let me out
I need to go and be free to
Chase my dreams,
Chase the never ending horizons
I need to be free so I
Can live
Taste the free air
Stretch my wings
And fly
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This feels like the continuation to you last poem, A Point of Light, and explains the other side of the double-edged sword you gradually introduced to your readers in the last piece. I also liked how you didn't separate lines in mid-sentence as much in this piece, which (to me) makes things feel more complete, flowing, and over-all... It tells a better story. Am I making any sense? I hope so. ^-^
This piece focused more on the "wings" comparison your last poem only hinted at, and I've always liked that comparison so I enjoyed this piece none the less! Many of your lines, like the pock comparison and the bit with chasing dreams and with the horizons caught my eye. Good work, keep it goin'!
Anyone who has ever seen a wild animal, especially a bird, that is caged against their will, will understand your poem. It took a few reads, but that indicates that it had enough value to make me want to read it, and try to understand it. As well as any work can be understood by anyone--but that's another story.
I think that for the dramatic action and expressed ideals of the piece, that the ending could have been more powerful. As equally powerful as the rest of your poem. The metaphor of a cage is good, as is the imagery, and generally the progression is good. It has a lot of texture, which I like, and the images are strong.
This poem seems to be connected to your other poem, Point of Light. It would look really nice if you could add some periods and commas so that your readers can know when to stop and pause. When I read the part, wing I was totally thinking of birds but then the word shriek came out and it sounded odd for a bird. Oh well its my opinion. Anyway nice poem.
Welcome !
