Realm of the Unknown
by
Leah G.
(Age: 15)
copyright 09-20-2007
Age Rating: 4 to 127
Experience means nothing in the realm of the unknown
Let us go there together- you and me
We値l climb every mountain, crawl in every furrow
We値l be all we can be and see all we can see
Adventure into the nothingness- there is no time to waste
Procrastination has little harm when nothing痴 at stake
We値l squander time forever and meet with nonentity
We値l take all we can take and make all we can make
Silence means little when I知 in your comfort
Who cares about feelings when there痴 so much to explore?
We値l discuss matters later. Who knows how long we値l last?
We値l roar all we can roar and soar all we can soar
And when relationships end that came from nothing to start
Or we致e reached the edge of the earth and there痴 no place to go
Shall we depart, or stay as one forever on?
We値l woe all we can woe or grow to all that we値l grow
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Oooohhhh, nice! Very nice! Very, very, very nice! *is stared at like I'm a android and malfunctioning by the cat sitting on the table beside me* Ahem...
So original! I must be getting so annoying with my obsession with originality. But I've read so much poetry, it's at least a little justified. XD I pushing 1,500 comment snow, I think...Ah, this is my 1,505th. ^-^ I wonder who my 1500th was...hmm. I definitely posted it tonight... Anyway!
I loved your choice of words, and the last lines of each paragraph added an interesting song-like touch. The title grabbed my eye but the presentation made me fall in love with the poem. Great work! The lines are nice n' long too, and poems like that (to me at least) increase the feeling of a story being portrayed in the words. I like that, since picturing a poem is only the first step. Seeing a story behind it is the best part.
Powerfully emotive, Leah. The stanzas make a wonderful whole, and genuine feeling drives the whole piece right to the apt conclusion--what happens next. The reader is left begging for more. Rollickingly good stuff! Love it!
Wayne
For some reason, I went back and re-read this write again. Then again, etc. Finally, what had been troubling me a little bit became clear. The ending line of every stanza completes each basic thought within that stanza so you can move on to the next one, smoothly.
I likey!! ^_^ Anytime a poem that I thought was good to begin with, then ends up being better than good (by my opinions, of course), I'm delighted. Is almost sneaky, you know? But that's okay, too. Sneaky is good and allows your readers to look at your works more carefully.
I am just so proud of myself and so pleased with myself for having gone back to discover what I missed first time around, I had to let you know.
I couldn't be proud of me that way, though, if it weren't for your excellent presentation.
First of all: the title is very misleading.
Second of all: the three stanzas of opening and development don't prepare us for the ending.
Third of all: the final stanza adds the dimension and meaning to a piece that I thought was going to be somewhat mediocre. So much for pre-judging, eh? I think I'll "steal" that ending stanza. Just kidding. I wouldn't do that, but I might ask for permission to put it in a special meanings folder. All the things that I was thinking were going to be wrong with this piece, somehow became "right" with your ending and I forget what the "salty pen" was going o complain about. This is very nice writing, Leah.
Welcome !
