Dreams
by
Emily Garwood
(Age: 21)
copyright 09-23-2007
Age Rating: 10 to 127
I give up on dreams,
They just weren't made for me,
Happy families,
Outings, or just watching a movie.
Being together laughing,
Talking being out in the open,
All the things i ever dreamed about,
Just aren't worth a penny.
How could I be so blind,
The words I love you,
As fake as a dry tear,
Why bother?
I dream hopeless dreams,
I'm obviously not worth your time,
Neither our son,
How could you break my dreams?
Reality hurts,
And loves just not for me,
I still believe in you god,
And all your magic of love.
But it's just not me.
No more late nights,
No more telling myself it's OK,
Because it's not,
I just have to grow up....
Face the world alone....
Please change my mind,
Please make me blind,
I thought...who cares.
*thank you for brining this subject up i think it was time for me to wake up and face the facts even though facts hurt...u know who u r and thank you again*
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you recommend or rate the work highly...
Your words are always so beautiful, poignant,
yet sad. It's not melodramatic(which is good)(not overstated.
Simply a practical and realistic look at the narrator's life.
Technically the poem is structurally sound and pretty good in rhythm, although perhaps could be a bit tighter in rhythm.
"Face the world alone....
Please change my mind,
Please make me blind,
I thought...who cares."
A writer reaches for emotion, lends strength to those unable to hold words in feelings exposed to thoughts of self, degradation often becomes a base point to understanding of people, emulation is but a touching of souls about us, so much for the youth to take and hold, this is a write worth while and it shares trust in all about you, you are growing both as a person and a writer, excellent.. Walt
All the things i ever dreamed about
The I needs to be capatilized.
Plus I have tryed to stop using internet speak since I joined PnP.
*thank you for brining this subject up i think it was time for me to wake up and face the facts even though facts hurt...u know who u r and thank you again*
Bringing is spelled wrong, The I's Need to be capatalized, and You should Spell U out.
Now that thats over with
Dreams shouldn't be shattered due to real life
Real life is what makes us have dreams, our dreams arent supposed to be real life. They are a place we go to wish and think. And just because life hasnt thrown you a good hand lately, is no reason to give up. For without dreams, or a bad hand dealt in life, It would be to easy and there would be no challenge.
Sammy of the CC
This seems to be a personal response to a very sad event in your life. Being made to feel less than valuable is always hurtful. This piece brings that out very strongly. The emotions are keenly felt, but the write seems to "wind down" at the end. Maybe deliberate, as the principal grows tired of the rejection, maybe even the desertion? One little thing on the technical: I've noticed that you sometimes don't capitalize the personal pronoun "I." Unless it's done for effect, it should be capitalized. Also, (okay two little things ^_~) god, as the Creator or Supreme Being, is always capitalized. Otherwise it becomes a lesser deity among many. It's not a bad write at all, Emy.
Welcome !
