Help Us Stop Plagiarism -
Nearly all works at PnP are original. However a few people choose to plagiarize.
To check, choose a phrase from the work, then either drag and drop to the search box or copy and paste.
click on search and works at Google will be shown which match. Just to be sure, please do this before
you recommend or rate the work highly...
Hi, Leah! I'm back, yet again, this time with comments!
I too can relate. My dad is the same way. He trips me down the stairs in the mornings, and some nights when he gets mad, he throws things at me. Nice that I found a poem that I can relate with! Great work! I'm headed to read more of your poems now! Bye!
Megan
I can totally relate. My mom is totally harsh. I just wish so much that she could be a good mother instead of laying in bed, doing nothing except telling me to clean the house, feed the dogs, make dinner, and clean more. I just wish she was like a normal mom and conversed with me rather than ordering me to do things ya know?
Back. ^^ Okay enough fooling around. *takes out his "critic's salty pen"* Pen could really only find one line that you might want to look at. Pen tells me it's awkward.
"And by you tyrannical rule abide"
That one. Pen thinks that if you want to leave the whole line as is, maybe then change "you" to "your." Pen is thinking that something like,
"Your tyrannical rule must abide,"
might be a stronger line, but not to push you on this. Pen is very considerate with writers. I'm not. :roll: Looked for, but couldn't find anything else technical. ^^ The other stuff that we like to play around with, imagery, texture, alliteration, rhymes, cadence, etc., you have woven as you wanted to.
Curiously, it is a stronger presentation after the 2nd, 3rd read.
Interesting. I was ready for the tale of a love gone sour, mis-understood love, selfish love, etc., and instead you gave us a presentation of a parental folly. Which, of course, is to not listen to their children and really hear where they're coming from and what they want, as opposed to being told what is good for them. Blek!! I really hope your mother turns into a mom, at least the kind that you want/need. So, let's see, where was I? Oh, yeah, technical stuff. I lost my train of thought, here, and I'm going to have to go back and read it again ^_^ so whatever I say will be reasonably accurate. lol Don't go away, I'll be back. lols
Heh...I really like the last line. I've given up on my mother. She hates homeschooling me and due to school shootings I doubt even if I wanted to (which I don't) go to a conventional school, he wouldn't want me to. My mother is cool and trusts me enough to allow me to have a social life on line (AKA on PnP) so I don't complain much.
I like the over all idea here, though there isn't much flow. A few suggestions I can make:
Instead of "Is always a huge
Disappointment to you."
I recommend making it one line. To me, finish I thought on one line (if it's not too terribly large) makes a piece flow better. I'm picky, if there are too many holes like that I lose touch with the topic since I read line breaks as pauses. XD Anyway, good work on this one!
Welcome !
