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The Devil's Dues
by
Frank Fields
copyright 10-12-2007
 Contest Winner
Age Rating: 13 to 127
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Picture Credits: http://elfwood.lysator.liu.se/ libr/i/l/ilona/distort...
Yo, dude!
did a key saw teh light
did a line saw teh evil
love on right, hate on left
hit me in the head so bad
cracked the rock cost me ten
bonged it up for 5 the devil
came into my light again elbow
shows a web of spider tat and
tear is down my eye cross is
there but upside down and
pentagram protects me quarter
ounce from heaven or hell but
with a nickel bag or dime we'll
both do fine walking with
the dragon puff and eight ball
rock sniff it, snort it,
light it, cook it, roll it,
shoot it, alla same I'm in my
glory of success until the
gates of hell come crashing
down upon my head the devil
won again. Is all.
Author's Note: This is a place where no one ever wants to be, and those poor souls who are there can very seldom escape. On the technicals: it was written as intended. Spelling, pucntuation, etc., etc. Not my usual style, admittedly, but important enough (for me, at any rate) to present these thoughts this way. The age is tricky. The content matter is such that grade school children are exposed to these things. For here, however, 13+ should be enough.
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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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02-22-2008 Leigh G.
*chuckles* Interesting. The title held true to the poem, and the idea was interesting. You pulled it off very well, I'd of been too terrified about getting a bad rating to post a poem so far out of my usual category. XD
I also noticed there was a touch of "chat room grammar" in here. I detest it when people use it around me but I am guilty of making the "teh" typo. XD But my spelling is going to be royally screwy the next few weeks because the spell check on my computer mysterious erased all the words I've added...how am I to know if I'm spelling Paltierre, Yggdrasil, and Nifleheim correctly? XD
Leigh of the Commenting Community
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10-15-2007 Tiffany Forster
Wow. That was brilliant. I love the voice, the flow, the...everything. You pull the reader in and show them something that they wouldn't normally see.
I am honestly most impressed with the voice of this piece, it is so different from what you would normally find, and it is so raw. It makes the poem's message far more poignant.
"until the gates of hell come crashing down"
Love that (it's not really a line, but I love that nonetheless).
Brilliant piece.
*hands him a silver Trinity ring*
*bows*
Tiffany
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10-15-2007 Walter Jones
You have ripped my heart from my body, so well you write and see, a message left open and cold, bullet proof, shaking hands with the devil, hoping escape, none exists, fades in time, the words live ... Walt
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10-13-2007 Richard Reed Jr
"Oh, I'll just try a little -no harm done!
See I'm not addicted, I can handle this stuff.
I'm here no and it feels so wonderful, so other-worldly, and in this world I can do as I please -no inhibitions.
Oh My God I'm coming down, I'm crashing fast. They warned me , but I wouldn't listen.
I hate it down here with all this boring stuff. I've got to get back up there. I'll do anything!"
And so it goes. Your piece is very touching, I can hear the screams of the unwary, even now.
There was a time I was on the edge, but thank God
and dumb luck -I didn't go over.
The style wasn't your usual, but fit the subject theme very nicely.
Sometimes a poem comes along that leave me speechless and in awe of the writing and the story I see there.
This is one of those.
Thank You!
~Rich
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10-12-2007 Everett (dale) Pogue
Frank: This writing is beyond me but I have a feeling it is clear and on target for others. I greatly admire you tackling a difficult area. I will be back to read comments from those with better understanding. Dale
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