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Battling the Seasons
by
Samantha P.
(Age: 15)
copyright 10-16-2007
Age Rating: 7 to 127
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A bitter cold sets in from the freezing autumn night
Entering the warm house, to sit by an everlasting fire of love and warmth, slowly helps
However, the brutal cold has permanently chilled my bones
Even enduring laughter the coldness settles, and is forever haunting
A life that has been stolen from my impenetrable grip, or a soul that has been corrupted, when I've spent countless hours trying to keep it pure unravels my determined thoughts,
And thrusts unbearable pain onto my heart
Eventually my goal is nothing more then a dream while pain and destruction follow the bitter winter
However, the everlasting fire of love, and warmth is still there, and it holds on with a thread of hope and light, until it grows to meet the blossoming spring
While the last of the cold is melted away with a blazing summer, love is no longer a dream, but has once again been restored to full reality
But now the cold, bitter winter has taken the dreams place, and is now just a small nightmare that everyone pays no attention to
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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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01-16-2008 Wayne Thomas
Good flow and good thought content. A bit prosy, rather Whitmanesque in tone--looping rhythm but somewhat wordy. Somehow I expected more color, but really was a satisfying read, so if I've given you any ideas.... Keep writing, there's talent and feeling there.
Your p-n-p pal,
Wayne
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12-19-2007 Rikki V.
Sammy-san,
----
ok...Ikkir is speechless. How do you come up with such things? I mean, not only does it have near perfect rythm, but you also sew in a few of the elements of nature, both human and wild, and throw a little of the mystic element in there...
If only i could tell stories as well as you can write poetry...
I love you,
Rikki
P.S. Hey-chicka-bum-bum!
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10-20-2007 Leah G.
Antha,
Great job with this! The descriptions in this piece were beautiful and you illustrated the picture of change perfectly. It's so bittersweet. I suggest that you put punctuation and the end of the long lines to help guide the readers through the poem. But besides that, it was perfect! I loved the title too- very creative. great job!
Leah
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10-17-2007 Leigh G.
It's alright. It's more prose than poetry, which is fine, but it's not the most original piece you've produced. Your choice of words and describing were very nice, but they didn't grab my attention.
Things did flow well, especially for prose, but I suppose it was just topic and that sort of thing that I was a bit disappointed in....*sweat drop* Anyway, I didn't see any errors here so congrats. ^-^ You haven't had any in a while, so I figured I'd mention that.
Leigh of the Commenting Community
P.S. Only reason I don't enter PnP chat is because it doesn't work for me anymore...I get booted every few seconds. It's my lame Internet service provided...
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10-17-2007 Richard Reed Jr
Hey Antha,
Difficult piece, great write. A song with sadness, but a happy ending.
The nightmare going bye-bye and the dream has come true. God, I love when that happens.
Your words were chosen well and carefully.
It's an honor to read your writings. Keep them coming,
~Rich^_^
~applauds then bows~
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10-16-2007 Frank Fields
I like this. ^^ It has something of a prose quality because of the line length and structure but when you get into it, it comes together nicely and the flow establishes itself.
One picky: The line beginning with the word "however." I'd change that word to something less formal, even delete it altogether.
As I read it, the sentence doesn't lose anything by not having that word.
You did a good job balancing some difficult concepts and using nice metaphors to tie the piece together. The emotional texture and imagery is also good. Maybe I should go back and try to find something wrong? Just kidding. This is a well-written piece that leaves me satisfied at the end.
Another good one, Antha. ^_^
Frank :)
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