Go Away Snow!
by
Cassie S.
(Age: 15)
copyright 12-18-2007 Contest Winner
Age Rating: 10 to 127
I see these slushy white flakes,
falling through the sky,
this season needs to get over with!
It needs to say good-bye.
No! Don't make the snow stay!
I hate the snow,
it needs to go AWAY!
It only brings troubles,
and trips galore!
You slip and slide around,
and then you hit the floor!
Sure, it's fun for a while,
like when you build all those tall snowmen,
but look around the block in a week,
and I'm sure there will be over ten!
You may have a blast for a while,
when you go snow machining,
but when you get back home in an hour,
I'm sure you'll say, "Oh my gosh, it's FREEZING!"
I'm going to have to manage,
I have to think bright.
Only five more months of darkness...
and then I'll have sunlight!
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^.^ really good. its like its written for chilren
i wouldnt change anything. i really ie the first bit and the last bit. youre really good at rhyming ^.^
i would say your lucky to see the beauty of snow. i live in western australia and all i see is rain. but when the sun hit it,it sparkles. so i guess teres magic everywhere
Aww, this poem is so cute. I LOVE snow! I barely get to see snow...
Anyway, the poem is overall very nice but, the flow... is somewhat awkward. It would be nice if it were to flow more.. smoothly. Um, you should capitalize the first word of every sentence... ^^ Cute poem.
Cassie:
This is hilarious; I wouldn't change a thing. Five months of darkness sounds like you live way up in Alaska or northern Canada. I spent a summer in the Yukon a few years ago and it was great. We even went on a steamboat! And still no snow here in Jersey, just endless amounts of rain. Thanks for an exceptionally well-crafted piece.
Wayne
oh i just love snow!!! we got about 2 inches earlier in December, and it's been around 50 degrees F since then. snow is SO much fun! and there can never be too many snowmen...
but lets forget my opinions. about the poem. The flow was a bit jerky here and there because you put too many syllables in one like and too little in the next. for example, in the 2nd line:
falling through the sky, (5 syl)
this season needs to get over with! (9 syl)
this big gap in syllable numbers makes it hard/awkward to transition between lines, and that continues throughout the poem. maybe you could edit it to something like this:
I see slushy white flakes (6 syl)
That are falling from the sky. (7 syl)
This season must be done with! (7 syl)
It needs to say good bye! (6 syl)
Because the syllable numbers are closer, the piece flows better. And I'd add a bit more capitalization. besides that. I like the poem. you have some humorous moments here in there in the poem, and i like how you end it. keep on writing!
That's for submitting this in the contest. Now I have three poems that will be hard to choose from. =] Anyway, this was really cute. For the first week in December when New York was hit with all of that snow, we wanted it to go away. Well, the adults did, we got snow days XD You can't always build snowmen, I tried when we first got the snow, but it didn't stick together, which sucked. It is rather fun to see all of those people on icy areas that have those snow falls. If some one in your family fell and got hurt, I'm sorry. Well, you seem really happy to have 5 months of darkness.... Anyway.. This really was cute. Talk to you later.
~Alma H.
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