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Living
by Lauren T. (Age: 14)
copyright 01-08-2008


Age Rating: 13 to 127

  Living
Picture Credits:

Live
So I'll be able to

Laugh
So I can join you

Smile
So I can with you

Hide
So I can find you

Trip
So I can hide you

Fall
So I can help you

Scream
So I can save you

Cry
So I can hold you

Cling
So I can hear you

Break
So I can fix you

Live
So I'll be able to


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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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02-24-2008 Cecilia Appleton    

It is a shame I didn't get to read the origional but this is wonderful all the same I agree with mike G. the impact of your poem gives it its beauty. the reader can fill in anything while readign with their own experiences this is very cool. It gets straight to the point and gives its point clearly while allowing for the readre's interpritation. peraps the origional had different structure but probably got the same message accross. your work is always very inspiring. I hope it takes you far but with this quality there is little room for doubt that it won't very nice piece.

Cecilia
01-13-2008 Anthony Lane Stahlhut    

I did not see the first version, but the way it reads now is good. I like your form here and the read is nice. It does open the mind to make one visualize what is happening. I like this one, Anthony
01-10-2008 Mike Gallimore    

I agree with Cassie, this is a really good rewrite. I think the impact of this poem comes from repeating a simple structure all the way down the page. It doesn't take a lot of words because the reader anticipates the beat, and she focuses on the key words while her brain fills in all the implied stuff. Terrific!
Visitor Reads: 121
Total Reads: 147
Comments: 3

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