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Rain and Tears

by Lauren Turner
copyright 12-28-2007


Age Rating: 13 +

You left me here
Here in the rain
You can't feel it
Its my own pain

Here in the rain
The sun is dead
Nothing's okay
A storm is in my head

Puddles of memories
Drops of tears
It hasn't been long
It feels like years

Picking up peices
of shattered dreams
Did you even listen
To my screams?

Rain is falling
Its been so long
Maybe I'll dance in it
Sadness is gone







Visitor Reads: 1706
Total Reads: 1753
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        06-02-2010     Leigh Gilholm Fisher        

You created a very sorrowful vision in this piece. It's very befitting of what you wanted to convey, and the type of story you told was very heartfelt. It seems like things like sleepless nights and waiting in the rain are often thought of as cliche because they are so common; in both reality and literature, much of the time. The ending note of this poem was an especially nice touch. Good work on this one!


~Leigh of the Commenting Community

        01-17-2009     Selina Chaffee        

this is a delicate and beautiful display of emotion. i loved the poetry, in my own personal opinion here and there it was a little rocky but the flow is alright and overall it's a good piece. I like the use of the rain as a saddened feeling, and the end is a perky lift to the whole outlook of the poem. It could have been written a bit differently and here and there are bumps, minor ones in the way the poetry is flowing but i liek the piece's meaning and expression. Good job :)

        01-08-2009     Raja Sharma        

This poem I liked not only for the laconica way of conveying emotions but also for the unique way you have handled the words, I allude to 'its', 'peices' because I can see through the message. This deliberation if it is the one is really remarkable. You have a very deep poetic mind, my little friend.
May God grant you more and more of everything!
God bless you
Rajasir

        10-10-2008     Glenys Garcia        

I don't really know much about poetry, but this piece is excellent in my humble opinion.

I really liked the third and fourth stanzas, and I can totally relate to the fourth one.

Is really beautiful, keep up the great work!

        06-26-2008     synclaire232        

Yay, that was awesome. Relating the moods along with the weather is a great way to express yourself strongly.

On the first stanza, fourth line: "Its my own pain". I'm sure you already know "Its" is supposed to be "It's"

Sorry, I'm quite anal about those kinds of stuff, but it's just me.

Thank you for writing!

        06-05-2008     Anthony Lane Stahlhut        

We can dwell on the sad or dance in the rain. Like the song says, if you get the chance, Dance! This was short, but a very good read. The message is clear for those that choose to see it! Keep em coming, Anthony

        05-23-2008     Brooke Marquette        

Great poem! I loved how you used a storm, rain, and the weather as a metaphor. It was very imaginative and made a very excellent poem. Keep it up! This is a great read! :)

        04-23-2008     Wayne Thomas        

It's simple yet profound. I especially liked the metaphor of "tears" and "rain". Your craftsmaship is obvious even with a few tiny flaws that others have already pointed out. Very good indeed.
Wayne



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