Engraved
by
Leah G.
(Age: 15)
copyright 01-01-2008
Age Rating: 13 to 127
I sit alone in the corner, feeling fear.
Hands holding to the sharp scarlet stained metal.
Everything exists so suddenly silent.
So silent that I can hear each tear tap the ground.
Mixed with blood droplets, dribbling down.
Plop… plop, plop… plop.
My heart dances to the rhythm the dripping makes.
Funny, how I never knew true beauty
Until I engraved it into my legs
In blood.
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If this were mine, I would have titled it, "The Cut." As a suggestion, it still seems like a valid title. I don't like works that are labeled "untitled." I think almost anything is better than nothing in a case like this. And a title can always be changed. Title rant over. It was only a mini-rant, anyway.
On to the subject. For as short a piece as it is, it is very powerful and carries the agony and angst of someone either lost in the depths of depression or of someone who just doesn't want to carry on. As a piece of writing the important thing is that you carried the reader with you. From the opening, which hinted that grisly things were to come, to end where they did in fact appear in scarlet. It had quite enough shock value for me. But I think this is the kind of write that will affect different people in different ways and depending on their mood at the time of writing. Risky business that, trying to predict readers' reactions. The most we can do, as you did and very well, is to pen our truths and hope that our readers will see the truth of our presentations.
I nearly titled a book Untitled but then Mehrina helped me title it Iterum Tu Videre. You may or may not know that's Latin. ^-^
Anyway, I agree with Meh it's rather creepy. Reminds me of something by Jade Villano. Or Gackt. Reminds me of Lu:na by Gackt and Speed Master. Then again you might not want to know your poem reminds me of a dude who kills him self or gets killed in the end of all his music videos. XD
Anyway, it was very short and didn't have much impact. You seemed to be shooting for a haunting effect, but it kinda flopped. If you did want to give it a title Meh's suggestions seem pretty accurate. Especially the second one.
I think a title would be something like "True Beauty", or "Beautiful Blood", or "Bloody Beauty", or something like that. >.< I don't know what to make of this poem, except for that I distinctly don't like it all that much. Not to say it's bad writing; quite the opposite, in fact. It's just... very... creepy... It makes me feel really bad about myself. You need to cheer up a little, Leah!
As I read this the idea was engraved into my mind and I felt your pain. It is sad when people feel they must hurt themselves to find relief from what is troubling them. I think that "Engraved" might just be a good title. I hope you are feeling better, Anthony
Ouch! Hurts, but spectacular! I love the awesome feel of what you wrote. Have you come up with a title for this piece yet? Despite that, I loved it. Excellent work!!!
Capture in image, cut in recognition, a scar upon need, pain drips from each line, want, so powerful it cries, beauty nay, just marks of souls searching, "lost in a sea of hurt", Walt
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