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On Line
Amanda C.
Ana Maldonado
Frank Fields
Richard Reed Jr
Kim Adolfo
5 Writers

Kira Tomodachi
1 Free Members

6 Members
24 Guests

Moving On
by Cassie S. (Age: 15)
copyright 02-13-2008


Age Rating: 13 to 127

 
It's so hard,
I'm really confused,
I should move on,
But I refuse.

I want to go,
Away from here,
To a place,
That has no fear.

I want to hide,
Away from them,
So I can stitch my heart,
Together again.

I need some time,
To think about,
My place in life,
And find my route.

I'll find my way,
And come back in,
I'll have a new heart,
That's not full of sin.

I guess I just,
Found my way,
I know the words,
I want to say.

I'll straighten things out,
Move on with my life,
And get rid of that scary,
Rusty old knife.

I'm glad this is done,
And I know what to do,
I think so anyway,
But I'm still wondering who.

Who do I trust?
Who do I leave?
Who do I know,
I'll always believe?

-June 7, 2006


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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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03-21-2008 Frank Fields    

My bad! Sorry about that. June--2006, I should have quoted. *creeps away very embarrassed.*
Member of


03-21-2008 Frank Fields    

You've dated the poem, July--2006. Almost two years ago. Even if it was written then, and is just being presented here, now, my thinking is that a little bit of editing would have helped the original work quite a bit. It must seem, by now, as if you're being pounded from every side and your work being chopped up into hamburger.
Not at all. ^^ Helpful comments, is all, really.

I think some attention needs to be paid to the rhyme scheme, the imagery, and the use of words that demand our attention and empathy for the emotional content.

But, to have considered the subject(s) of your poem at 13, and to have written as well as you did on content that is difficult for anyone, and leave us with a coherent work should also be recognized. Can't do much more than tip my hat to ya. ^^ And ask that you write some more, of course. ^_~

Frank :)
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02-22-2008 Wayne Thomas    

Raggedy but readable would be my first reaction to this piece. Interesting format. Could, in my humble opinion, use some more imagery to express your point. "Rusty old knife" is the only one I caught. And you might try using a few "loaded" words to make the emotional content really stand out. Shows good effort. You are getting better. Now go for it!
Wayne
Visitor Reads: 143
Total Reads: 166
Comments: 3

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