Withering Roses
by
Lauren T.
(Age: 14)
copyright 02-23-2008
Age Rating: 13 to 127
Picture Credits: http://Artattack.to
Everyday he waited
For her.
His hand held roses
For her.
He grew them all
For her.
His arms were open
For her.
He lived his life
For her.
He smiled everyday
For her.
He would wait
For her.
He would die
For her.
Everyday she walked past
Him.
Everyday she saw
Him.
Everyday she'd wait for
Him.
She would talk to
Him.
She would laugh with
Him.
She would go crying to
Him.
She would keep living for
Him.
She was in love with
Him.
He'd keep waiting
For her.
She'd be waiting for
Him.
They died waiting
For each other.
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you recommend or rate the work highly...
Such a unique piece of poetry. The repetition reminds me of a very monotonous relationship I was once a part of. Being a romantic I can't help but love this!
Most of the time when people finally get what they crave, they begin to crave something else. Human nature I guess. :)
I love this! Great flow and such a unique writing flow! You did a wonderful job on this! I really enjoyed reading this. Keep up the amazing work on this! It was definatly a good read!
Personally, I think this Eric person below nailed this verse with his comments, the best.
In this life it's all about the journey. Feet beating down the path.
Good lesson for the reader (the end result) about waiting too long, in this message. The boat can sail while you're preoccupied with loading the luggage. Better we travel light and wear comfortable shoes!
This work meets all the criteria I usually establish for myself: coherency, imagery, meaning, flow, transition, mechanical stuff, but mostly to capture the reader immediately.
It isn't very nice, though, to take us in a beautiful direction, only to leave total frustration and a sense of having been cheated as our prize.
Skillfully done, with mastery and grace! This is quite good. ^_^
Excellent. It's not easy to explain why some people cannot pull the trigger. Are they hyper-romantics who desire the desiring more than the thing desired, and thus keep fulfillment ever at arms length? Some say "to travel hopefully is better than to arrive." I think they should just shut up and kiss the girl.