And Around and Around it Goes...
by
Leah G.
(Age: 15)
copyright 02-18-2008
Age Rating: 10 to 127
Regrets are my life,
Such a pitiful life.
Living in fear,
Living in strife.
The strife of pain,
The pain of hate,
The hate of love,
Love to await.
Awaiting what?
Disappointment? Regret?
Am I almost there?
Not nearly yet.
Yet to come,
To come to go,
Go real fast,
Fast, but slow.
Slowly what?
Moving closer to death?
Death in life,
Life of breath.
The breath I breathe
I breathe to live,
Live to love,
Love to give.
To give brings loss,
And loss brings pain,
And here I am,
Starting over again.
Again in circles,
Round and round,
Break out of habit,
Habits bring us down.
Down to where?
Where’s to get to?
To get there for me,
Or do I go there for you?
You recognize my path?
This path of confusion?
Confusion of love?
Love of delusion?
Delusions of who?
Whose dreams do you wish?
Wishing for others?
Or wishing selfish?
Selfish needs do you have?
Are these needs really wants?
So you want it real bad,
But you’ll lose it to taunt?
Taunting what weakness?
Weakness of trust?
Trusting your love?
Could that love be a lust?
Lust that disappears
Right out of your life.
So you live in fear,
You’ll live in strife.
The strife of pain,
The pain of hate,
The hate of love,
Love to await.
Awaiting return?
Return to who knows?
Knowing what’s around?
And around it goes…
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Author's note:
This is a fairly experimental piece for me. I wanted to try to write a poem/song that the following line started with the ending from the previous, if that makes any sense. This work is pretty random, I just wrote whatever came to my mind and went with it. And I also tried to rhyme in the process. Hope it worked out.
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Heh,for some reason it made me want to read it as fast as I could -just as if it was a patter so it was pretty fun. It also created some illusion of circle in the end so it definitely made sence. Great job ;]
It worked out and worked out very well. These kinds of pieces are very difficult on several different levels. The closing of the previous line with a transitional word or phrase, which leads into the following line is a complex pattern, but when done well, can be very effective.
The emotional impact was somewhat under-played but I know that was deliberate. The imagery was very good and your choice of words and word patterns kept us interested. Me, anyway. ^^
Towards the ending it did seem as if the pattern you'd established broke off, leaving me expecting an ending. But, when the pattern picked up again, I was more concerned that I hadn't been reading it correctly and went back to re-read. Which isn't a bad thing, but here, it interrupts the flow, the movement.
The length might be shortened, somewhat, but that's my personal preference. I don't care for works that seem to drone on, endlessly. Not that yours does, but it's a thought. ^^ Nothing more.
I'm not sure how much more I can say before it might sound like I'm picking the work apart, word by word. I'm not.
I liked what you did very much. I liked the way it was presented and developed. It was coherent from beginning to end. Yes, please, more.
Wow..15 yrs old I remember by poetry and this stuff is way outta my league. I love it. I just decided to check out some the writing on the Jr Writers side and I gotta say this stuff seems to be more my speed. I will be heading out of this comment and into read more of your work... very much looking forward to reading more.
Sarah Taylor
Very interesting idea! The words weren't all that complex but the order of them did invoke a bit of thought every now and then. The setup of the poem is what got my attention the most, and your note at the bottom cleared things up a bit. As far as prototype poetry styles go, good work. :)
Welcome !
