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Echoes of the Past
by
Jordan Screws
(Age: 21)
copyright 02-25-2008
Age Rating: 7 to 127
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Echoes of the past,
Why do you hide
From one who seeks
To turn back time?
Turn back, o silver
Hands of time, turn
Back to the days
Of a golden life.
O hands of time,
Your swift, cruel hands
Make my remaining days
Mark my ebbing life.
Echoes of the past,
Why do you taunt
Me, one who only
Wants to reclaim life?
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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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03-11-2008 Samantha P.
Hey haha long time no talk, yes I do live. sorry for not being on more I went to Africa for a month and when I get back things have gotten really bad.....
Any who less about me and more about your fantastic piece.
I love it, This really relates to my life right now,and i truly wish i could change time or maybe make things different especially for my sister....
the flow was perfect and it didn't drag on like a lot of pieces I have read it said what was needed with the right meaning and length.
Loved it =D
Yours Truly
Samantha
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02-29-2008 June Nazarian
This poem seems to be written from the vantage point of someone who has only a short amount of time left. No? For someone young with a whole life yet to experience, those hands of time will invariably point in numerous forward, positive directions. I loved the the flow and the brevity of the poem - I'm not one for lots of words. Very nicely done....June
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02-28-2008 Mehrina B.
Turning back time... No doubt it would be useful, but if I were given the power to turn back time, I'd only do that to correct mistakes that I made. I would not use that power to regain life. First off, I'm Muslim, so even the idea is affronting. Second, why would I? I mean, it's not like this life is all that hot. Besides, this life is only to prepare for the next one. No, the only regret I would have when I die, which could be any second, is that I wasn't a good enough Muslim.
With that being said, nice poem! Leigh basically has the technical stuff covered, so I just have to agree with her about this being a balanced piece. Unlike Leigh, I like the shortness of this poem. I generally like short poems; they're very much to the point. There's no nit-picking to be done; each word has a meaning, and I like words to be significant. Empty words are worse than useless. No sense in wasting your time, eh?
Good job, Pan Ol' Man! I hope to see more poetry from you in the future!
Her Wisdom
~*Meh*~
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02-27-2008 Leigh G.
Sacre bleu! A poem! I really do miss everything when I don't sign on...damn you algebra!
The beginning of the poem was very clear but became slightly obscure by the end. It was a short piece so the idea introduced in the beginning has enough impact to carry the rest of the piece.
Continuity of thought is also held by the continual reference to 'hands of time' so it is a very balanced, solid piece.
The idea and choice of words were creative and kept the mournful and regretful mood of the poem. The sentiment is sad but understandable. It can be so easy to look back on things that were simply and swear ourselves for not being tankful for it then. In comparison to the problems a person may confront in the present, those that they confronted in the past they they complained about are nothing in comparison.
But as another side to the story, there is a saying I really like that relates to this: The past always looks better than it really was because it isn't here anymore.
It's a simple saying, but very accurate. There is no denying looking back upon days past and wishing for what was is normal. Sometimes more than others is accurate. I've done my share of longing for what I so hurriedly let go thinking it wasn't good enough, but mourning too long will lead to missing opportunities to free yourself from the dark clouds of yesterday.
The emphasis on 'reclaiming golden life' were a very nice touch to the piece. The title is well selected too since it's quite an attention-grabber.
I'm contemplating praise...it's a very good piece but the critical critic within is automatically picking at size. XD Well, I unjustly praised your one contest entry so I suppose I can give you five...
Tomodachi,
Leigh of the Commenting Community
P.S. *first comment dance* Hmm, closest word to tomodachi in PnP's spell checker is 'tomato'...I wonder what the Japanese would think of their word for 'friend' sounding vaguely like tomato...
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