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I lie here on the ground,
an M-16 A2 in my hands...
and I can't load.
My body has seized
and I can't load!
Several people watch
and wait for me to move.
But I gasp and choke!
The magazine in my hand
falls to the floor...
Tears roll down my face.
I can't do this!
People are staring...
But the fear has captured me!
It's taken me down!
My hands shake
and the fire arm
is on the floor.
A man stands behind me,
watching me in my pity.
Watching me cry
over a few bullets.
A few bullets!
I get up and run away.
I can't take it!
My soul has been soiled
and it can't be cleansed!
I've been scarred!
Things won't be the same!
My mind has decided that...
This is a dream.
But it is not.
I leave the scene
and continue to choke.
My heart races.
The adrenaline runs.
Tears pour down and I fall.
I land into a fetal position,
my body still once more.
Yet I'm shaking ever more violently.
My stomach is churning
and I want to puke.
Puke my freaking guts out!
But I'm still choking,
and nothing comes.
The guns go off
without me there.
I am left to wait
for what is to come next.
The blasts make me scream.
No one is there!
No one to protect me!
To save me once more!
So I must save myself...
but I continue to choke!
I gasp for air...
and gasp some more.
I sob loudly,
and the man comes in.
He looks at me with pity
and then he leaves.
Then someone retrieves me
and I leave...
Barely able to move
but I leave..
And I am safe again!
Still choking...
but I am safe!
Heart still racing...
but it's over!
Still shaking and crying...
but it's the end!
A/N True story! I totally got freaked out during M-16 training a week before I got deployed. I'm not exactly sure why I got so darn scared because I had shot before and did quite alright. But I had to go back and do it a second time three days later. I ended up doubling my score from a 19 to a 44 which took me a point away from being a marksman. I also out shot my husband. And I have the paperwork to prove it! :P
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