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I like this one. More lines? Short poems can be good too! If you like your poem it doesn't matter what others say. The people it was intended for will understand it anyway. "(something simple-break from the usual-spooky routine)"<-- Somehow I don't really ever see spooky in your poems. Then again, I've been told one of my poems was spooky and i never before realized that someone might see it that way. Well I see deep, and wonderful in your poems. By "deep" I mean states what I think is obvious, but lots of people don't seem to get.
I wanted to thank everyone of you for commenting on my poem. I'm impressed people actually continue to make time for this-impressive.
It appears the majority here leaving feedback have the same theme running about my efforts to keep things simple (short). Looks like they'd prefer elbow grease (more lines) when uncovering the picture. I'm addressing this response to the group rather than the individual, so I don't have to repeat myself.
Let me attempt to explain: When following a painter around (or a poet)- I have just come to view, I tend to lean to the obsessive side of my personality by immersing myself into the entire picture.
That's what the painting of this poem is really about. The wandering path in my make-up that pours onto the canvas or the lines of another artists world.
The reason there isn't a description of this particular piece of work, is mainly because, it was the first canvas I escaped into, in this collection. The first of many hanging on the wall, waiting.
Here's the rant- Have you ever witnessed a person standing in front of a picture that was so enthralled with the work that you could speak directly to them and they wouldn't hear you talking unless you yelled their name? Well that's the Susan in this write. Off meeting new friends or family. The place where words are no-longer necessary, once I arrive...in the shadows of the canvas-absorbed into the colors through the open door-the paint.
In writing, I tend to skip the sentences or stanzas and put down the word to get to my destination faster. As a salty pen (a positive-helpful voice) mentioned somewhere, earlier. I leave the passengers behind occasionally, stranded on the sidewalk, as a direct result.
Seat-belts now noted...all accounted for! I will work on adjusting the throttle before departure on my next take off. (more not less-gotcha)
So much for attempting the simple. Where my oxygen tank? (joke) Thanks again, for participating in this poem as well as my others.
I'm looking forward to reading this groups-PnP work. Each and everyone one of you!
I have read much about your poems... and now I see one for myself. Not too bad... especially for a poem that deviates from the "spooky routine", as you put it. I myself am an amateur poet that shifts back and forth between "happy" poems and "darker" ones. Anyway, how does this effort stack up?
I would say that this is a good poem. I do not care much for art myself... well, anything "modern". I prefer older art like Michelangelo's Creation of Man on the Sistine Chapel and The School of Athens by Raphael (if I remember the right artist). The artwork must be a good piece if you want to enter it and meet the people. Then again, I suppose the point IS to draw the viewer into the painting, in a manner of speaking. Your work seems to do that in the literal sense.
As for the technical elements, they are pretty good. For one thing, you seem to have a good deal of creativity. You also seem to be able to write simply yet get the point across. Those are indeed good traits... you manage to describe your thoughts of entering the painting fairly well. However, like the others said, this poem somehow ends up short (as far as length is concerned)... if you were to create a segment where you actually enter the painting and interact with the people, this would feel more "complete."
As it stands, this is not a bad poem. For me to see how much of a deviation this is from your "spooky routine", I will have to read some more of your work. I will do so not too far from now. Until then, keep up the good work!
I don't care what you say, they was great. It did have that hint to it that might be a little scary. I loved it though. You made it sound like you wanted to know what the person in the painting is thinking, and you want to paint so more people yourself. It also sounded like what some emo kid might do "I bet their life is better" while they're looking at a painting. Not to call you emo. I think you are the total opposite. ^.^ Talk to you later.
~Alma
A nice connection is made not only between persona and artist but with the reader as well. I, too, would have preferred more imagery so I could watch the poem/painting unfold, but it's not bad as is. Fine job.
Welcome !
