Tears of red ran through the night
Butterflies sang with distant wails
Klaxons clanged for dying heart
Gone the children to see the sun
Through naked fields in satin skin.
Innocence lost, my eyes could only see
Dirty world, foul things of horror
Took my prize and rent it 'twain
Putrid smells of death hung round
To never clean this unclean day.
A monster came at night, unbidden
Stole my life and hope and heart
Leaving caterwauling wail of madness
Where are you now, my mournful plea
Your Evil promise broken.
Alone, to wander with no reason
The bride-price long been paid
My own soul by evil Devil claimed
Dire deeds were drawn in my hot blood
A pact and promise in blood's seal.
Wedding sheets, pure white silks and satin
Covered with a spread of mourning black
Blood red roses strewn all about
Haunting harps sang crystal waterfalls
A contract foul, full wrought in Hell.
All these gone, madness claimed its prize
The Angels' backs were turned
Blood red roses turned to black
Evil things whispered in my mind
My bed is empty now, she is stolen.
Butterflies sing mourning wails
As their heavy wings drip red
Hearing clanging klaxons
In solemn witness to my
Dying Angel's heart.
~~~~~~~~
Author's Note
This had been considered a work in progress. I'm still not totally satisfied with it. I've returned the illustration which had been removed. It seems to be an inherent part of this work, good or bad.
This work has received some very fine comments. I don't want to edit it to a point where those comments become meaningless. That wouldn't be fair.
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Beautiful write...stunning visuals. You used wonderful adjectives and descriptions....it was a pleasure to read. Full of sorrow and pain or death...The rythm was perfect all words flowing in sync. Amazing job on this!!!!! A great write!
I admit, at first I was lost on Klaxon. I thought you were doing some sort of fan work about a fantasy story. Then I looked it up and saw Klaxon's were alarms. I felt like a genius LOL!
I do like this--the visuals you use are wonderful. Very intense. Paints a stunning picture of loss.
And the picture I think should be credited not to the website, but Luis Royo, if you can change that. That's who it's painted by ^.^
Dark, intense, and haunting. I feel almost overwhelmed by the images you have described. At times the language did seem somewhat too forceful, but I think that it works for the savage anguish and desperation that you intended to convey. When something pure, sweet, and holy is tainted beyond all measure, shouldn't the audience know the same violent despair that the subject experiences? Yes, when I view the poem in that way, the rhythm and diction become much more meaningful and effective.
My favorite stanza:
"No more my humming birds of ruby throat
My doves that once did circle round
Butterflies with honey wings upon the wind
Morning Glory on the vine, to see the sun
Tasting sugar cinnamon on your tongue."
There is so much packed into this it's hard to know just where to begin. One observation, real or implied: with each lost love goes part of ourselves as well. And of course, the Devil must be paid his dues, and his tie is such you can't refuse. You could have done without the "filler" words and the "forced" words, but since I notice only four or five, that's comparatively minor. Two things the piece does well: it breathes, which is always good, not totally forced, and it evokes mood, which is necessary to good verse. In all, not bad, not bad.
Wayne
I see so many possibilities... whether a simple lost love to death, or lost her to another... or perhaps lost her love only? Sigh...
Sad, very and definitely sad (and love the photo too, by the way). And this night, I am truly... in the mood to sing along with such sadness... treading water in my own pool.
Your descriptions are vividly delicious. I can't help but paint the pictures in every detail, and wander through the gallery of sorrow with awe and admiration. You truly are an artist... thank you for sharing your work!
Welcome !
