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Broken Angel

by Regina Garber (Age: 45)
copyright 01-06-2009


Age Rating: 13 +
Broken Angel
Picture Credits: http://


You spit in my face with your words that were so contradicting
as if you didnít see me standing there shedding a hundred tears.
So cold as you threw my confidence against the wall
repulsed by my need to save you from your demons.
Your many personalities, they were once my passion.
Now my obsession is to escape from this destructive pedestal
you so proudly have me displayed.
I was a willing victim in your quest for self fulfillment.
I was a willing assistant in your repulsive illusions.
I was a willing participant in your games of destruction.
And now I am drowning in my own abyss.
I was once considered an angel
but I have fallen deep into your web of deceit.
My wings are now wretched and fragile.
I am descending from a world of beauty
into your self-made grave of malice.



** work in progress: continuing to make revisions. the beat of the syllables is also way off balance **






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Total Reads: 574
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        08-03-2010     Leigh Gilholm Fisher        

This poem was very well written, and the descriptions really added to the overall feeling of it. The picture was a nice addition, since it helped set the overall mood of the piece.

Very good work on this one! I hope to read more of your poetry here! :)


~Leigh of the Commenting Community

        03-18-2010     Emily Valle        

This was so true and gritty. You weren't afraid to write about the deepest and darkest feelings that you are left with after being in a situation like that.
And that's what made this REAL.
Good for you to keep things true and real. It takes courage to let things like that out sometimes, but with this it flowed in a way that released the feelings, but created something enjoyable to read at the same time.
Good work.

        06-23-2009     Alan Reed        

Good for you, Regina. You let it all hang out and firmly, beautifully. No difference to me in the rhythm. Your point is so well taken given your description and depiction. Worlds grow apart and it takes guts to see that and more guts to act on them. I wish not to have been the tormentor here. Life is better than to live with such negativism and narcissism of others. It is an illness that only one can cure. Thank you. -Alan

        06-05-2009     Raja Sharma        

Though the content may be personal, I believe, good poetry is impersonal and I see through the content to get to the bottom of the truth.This poetic presentation,teeming with images,life's reality,the sincerity of tone and many other qualities, is not only appreciable but also some of the best poems which I have read so far.I don't think I have anything to say about style and diction which seem to be so appropriately fitting and precise.
Wonderful
God bless you
Rajasir

        02-24-2009     Kimberly Angelone        

I love this just the way it is. It is how I feel about a recent tragedy in my life :) I don't believe it needs anything else. It flows from your gut and that's the best work you can give the world! I feel it in my gut as I read it over and over. I couldn't say it any better.

        02-18-2009     Richard Reed Jr        

I am awaaiting the completion of this piece with much enthusiasm. What I ee so far I like...
I like your imagery such as:
"So cold as you threw my confidence against the wall". At this level of writing I would expect you to concentrate onbuilding exotic images, they seem seem to fit who you are.
Keep up the goodwork mand welcome.

Rich


        01-16-2009     Anthony Lane Stahlhut        

The emotions here are strong and also fit what many experience. I have been in relationships like this and they are not good. Good luck to you in the future and I wish for better things for you! Anthony

        01-10-2009     Walter Jones        

Your voice is good, a creation of images, a reality check on life, a personal review, soul searching, powerful, begging more intervention, I hope you have the desire to push it to limits yet only felt, special the share.. Walt (the five points are the creativity a gift few have)

        01-07-2009     Regina Garber        

Susan and Arthur - thanks for the comments. Arthur, although Santan's fall wasn't the inspiration I did think about that when I was done writing.

Frank - thank you SO much for your feedback. I am very much guilty of using wrong words and taking many thoughts and not weaving them together correctly. It was not the emotions that overtook the poets skill, I was actually sick...101 fever. Typically, I read and make revisions for some time before I post. I didn't do that with this piece...and it shows, huh?

Going back to re-look. Thanks for the candor. Much appreciated.

Regina

        01-07-2009     Frank Fields        

I really cannot give good comment on this work. Sometimes a work, though placed in public forum, becomes so intensely personal and private, that it may deserve to be read, but also deserves its privacy.

Technically, also, it seems more a collection of bitter threads, trying to weave themselves into a poetic tapestry, but falls a bit short of that mark. There are too many sentencing errors, errors in tense and verb agreement, and too many places where, seemingly, the emotion of the moment overtook and took charge of the poet's skill.

But this is only my thinking. And truly, not designed to be harsh or offensive--simply honest. Others may see this differently.

Better no roses, now, than too few. I'll return now and then to see what others have had to say.

Frank :)





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