Age Rating: 16 +
Hollow is the log.
Dense, thick, and cold is the fog.
Empty, dry, cracked river bed.
Dark, churning thoughts in my head.
Angled branch bends low.
Fog obscures the path below.
Which way did the river flow?
Round and round and round I go.
Cannot find my way.
Searching through nature's display.
Trees, fog, it's all so unclear.
Circling to get out of here.
Fork in the road now.
Can't see far ahead somehow.
I want to choose the right road.
Uncertain which way to go.
Wasting precious time.
Steep is the frustrating climb.
So short is this unique life.
Danger, trouble, grief, and strife.
Lost or misguided?
Confused. None to confide in.
Alone in the forest- me.
The best advice- hug a tree!
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I'm not sure if you went back and made a few edits, as Richard suggested. It reads that you did. The quatrains, the 5/7/7/7 syllable count being consistent (except for the 3rd stanza, last line), and the a/a, b/b rhyme scheme (except for the last stanza, 1st line) all show attention to the mechanics.
Which, to me, allowed the piece to flow and present itself very smoothly and meaningfully. Even the sardonic humor, "hug a tree," gives pause for reflection.
You've woven a very nice tapestry, here, with really no loose threads and filled with enough imagery and word choices, that we share the confusion.
Except for hugging a tree. LOL But, really, I've done that myself to keep from falling down. Or to thank it for being there so I could climb up into its strong branches. ^^
The other work, by the way, I've not forgotten. It is just sitting there, on a back burner, waiting for me to turn the fire up. ^_^
This is a nice write, Wendi, and reads well as is.
Richard Reed Jr
Much to like in this poem. Good rhymes, phrases,
and words. I liked the idea and it was very entertaning. Who could ask for more?
Well, If you shoudn't mind too much, I would like more rhythm. I stumbled quite often as I read. This can be improved by reading it aloud
and paying attention to the rhythm of each line as they fit with the lines surrouding it.
wow. stumbled on this one and wouldn't you know I'm going through the same scenario right now. thanks for letting me know I'm not alone! excellent write.