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Okay, I read Bev’s and I’ve got a few minutes to kill, so I thought to myself- HEY! Why should I deprive all these nice folks of actual knowledge about moi? So, I’m answering the same questions that Bev brought forth.
LIVING ARRANGEMENT?
Well, this question is open to conjecture, depending upon which of my family members you spoke to. I live in the suburbs of Topeka, Kansas with my wife and two of our five kids. The other three have gained majority and moved on with their lives (Thank You, Jesus!). The other two apparently have no immediate plans to vacate, given that they are still in high school, but hope springs eternal that some day they may follow in the footsteps of their brothers and sisters. My wife threatens to leave four or five times a day, but if a 27-year history is any indication of future performance, it is likely that she, too, will be around when I breathe my last.
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
This is obviously a trick question. I am simply not nearly talented enough to read a book while completing this questionnaire. Perhaps someday though, as I said, hope springs eternal.
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSEPAD?
Presently, my mouse, although I must admit that from time to time it doubles as a coaster for a bottle of Guinness.
FAVORITE BOARDGAME?
Actually, I haven’t played any board games in years, but while I was in college, I hustled Scrabble with the young attorneys who lived in my apartment complex. It was the best money I ever made. The satisfaction alone, seeing the expression on their faces when they coughed up the $20, was worth twice the monetary amount! Once I won a contest and was to appear on Jeopardy, but work commitments didn’t allow me to participate.
FAVORITE MAGAZINE?
ESPN the Magazine, Sports Illustrated, and Dell Pencil and Word Games… you pick, I love them all.
FAVORITE SMELL?
Fear…
LEAST FAVORITE SMELL?
Fear (when it’s mine)
FAVORITE SOUND?
Blues licks coming from the guitar of Eric Clapton
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
Please, God, let it be Saturday.
FAVORITE COLOR?
Fuchsia…. No, wait…. taupe. No, no, it’s definitely aquamarine.
FAVORITE FRUIT?
This is a toss-up, but I’d have to say it comes down to Elton John, BoyGeorge or PeeWee Herman. Decisions, decisions….
HOW MANY RINGS TO ANSWER THE TELEPHONE?
At work, I have someone to do that for me. At home, I either have someone do that for me or an answering machine.
FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?
Have you no shame? That’s not even funny!
WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE?
Life is short. Get over yourself.
FAVORITE FOOD?
Yes, I’d have to agree, food is my favorite (other than drink, of course, but that goes without saying, doesn’t it…).
CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
Perhaps the most interesting question in the entire questionnaire. I’m sure that the future of our relationship is predicated upon my answer, so I guess I’d better think on it a bit… (editor’s note: Mr. Church is now in the fetal position while he contemplates this life-altering quandary, the occasional grunt or squeal emanating from somewhere deep within. I think it best we leave him, he’s been known to react in a bizarre fashion under such conditions.)
DO YOU DRIVE FAST?
I guess “fast” is the key word. Nowadays, on the freeways, anything less than 10 mph over the speed limit is considered slow. So, everything being relative, I guess I’d have to say that I don’t drive fast, but I always seem to get wherever I’m going in near-record time.
DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?
Only if she over-indulges on the rumaki, and she’d like for me to point out that this question is a bit indelicate.
STORMS: COOL OR SCARY?
Actually, cool AND scary is more to the point. I tend to apply the “Fudge Test” before advancing into any storm. If my Labrador retriever won’t go out, then I don’t either.
WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
Definitely the clunker-type. 1958 Plymouth Belvedere that I paid $42 for. (You don’t want to hear that story.) It was a 4500 pound amalgamation of scrap metal capable of suppressing a nuclear attack.
IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON, DEAD OR ALIVE, WHO WOULD IT BE?
This is a no-brainer… definitely Jesus. Of course, I’d have to learn to speak Aramaic first, but if I’m capable of speaking to Him here on earth, the translation part would be a minor obstacle, don’t you think?
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Guinness Stout, preferably on tap, preferably outside the USA, where they serve REAL Guinness, not the low-alcohol variety we get here in the states. Did I mention they serve it cold here? (sigh) Go figure…
WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
I’m told I’m burdened with the least dynamic of all signs… Virgo. However, I was born on the cusp with Libra, so if you believe in this crap, perhaps you can understand why I’m such a mess.
DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?
Broccoli has stems?
WHAT WOULD BE YOUR FAVORITE JOB IN THE WORLD?
Put the number 7 on my back and let me take the snaps for the Denver Broncos.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE HAIR COLOR?
I’m partial to mousy brown with salt and pepper gray intermingled. There’s a certain dignity attached to being able to keep my attention for this many years. Plus, she’s happy with what she has and doesn’t intend to change it. You gotta love that…
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?
Yea, I was in love once. Still am. She’s a VERY lucky woman. (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)
IS YOUR GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY?
At times, yes, but normally I try to keep it filled with Guinness. Did I mention that work is the scourge of the drinking man? If not, I just did, so there.
WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIES?
”The Exorcist” totally blew me away, but it was because I read the book first. William Peter Blatty wrote one of the deepest chronicles of a priest’s quest for his own faith that I’ve ever read. Second favorite is Monty Python’s “In Search of The Holy Grail”, the craziest, zaniest, most lunatic masterpiece ever written.
DO YOU USE THE RIGHT KEYS WHEN WORKING ON A KEYBOARD? Sometimes, but it’s an accident if I do. Normally, I hit the wrong keys. These days, every time I hit the backspace bar, it cries “Ouch” I've worn so many of the letters off that key, now it reads "ACK".
WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?
How the hell would I know? Most of the time I don’t know what’s on TOP of my bed!
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?
This is easy. It’s 1…. followed by seven zeroes, and they’re deposited in my bank account (I wish).
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?
There are only four sports, and depending on the time of year, I enjoy whichever is in season. But, overall, nothing is better to watch than football, especially if you can be at the game. Hockey is a very close second, but not on TV, because the game is too fast for the camera. Go Avs!
WHO IS YOUR CURRENT FAVORITE BAND OR RECORDING ARTIST? I’m a HUGE Eric Clapton fan, especially his blues riffs. I just saw him in concert in Kansas City, and he was absolutely phenomenal! I enjoy listening to classical when I write or when I'm hung over and merely want to 'veg'. Rachmaninov, Hayden or Beethoven, it doesn’t matter. Also, I enjoy Gregorian chant.
ARE YOU RELIGIOUS?
Very deep question, isn’t it? I have the faith I’ve been taught by my parents and grandparents, which I passed on to my own children. I try to live a moral life, and I support my church. If that makes me religious, I guess I am, but the question itself is a quandary. I tend to think of the faith itself as being the most important aspect, although faith without action is empty. Just be there for your family and friends, and I have a feeling that your (and my) prospects for spending eternity in concert with our loved ones are assured.
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