Aftermath of Suicide
by
Betty Eskdale
(Age: 63)
copyright 11-04-2001
Age Rating: 10 to 127
Losing someone to this kind of death is earthshattering. This has happened too many times in my life. One time would be too many. Having a friend suicide causes the most painful, anguishing loss. No one seems to realize while the person is suffering that he has reached the final decision. We would likely try to cajole him from his ideas, but the stigma of suicide prevents people from admitting how desperate they really are. It is unthinkable and unmentionable. Until we decide to take it out of the dark shadows and understand that it is a possibility, we will continue to suffer the greatest loss and with that goes a deep-seated guilt that we didn't prevent it from happening. Suicide is a permanent end to a temporary problem. I wrote a few lines to try to indicate the anguish that results:
We all wondered as we cried,
What he must have felt inside
And what he thought just as he died.
A sinking feeling in my chest
To find out he thought death was best
I cannot lay my pain to rest.
What took him to the last abyss?
Eleven years and I still miss
The bright blue eyes that hid his pain
I cry, to have him back again.
I could likely write for years
About his loss, I still shed tears.
I wish I could have helped him find
A peaceful soul, a happy mind.
If anyone is helped by knowing
These things can happen without warning showing
I pray they find a resolution
Suicide's a permanent solution.
One thing that everyone should learn
Is all things pass, the tide will turn
Just hang in there and tell a friend
You don't deserve this unhappy end.
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I reread this one with great interest. It's been awhile since I read it the first time. You are good with words, Boog. Stay.
Love ya,
Buns
BTW: you're author #122
Thank you for your comments, it is truly sad to feel afterward that you could have done something if only you had known. They leave a great void in our lives, and wishes that we could turn back the clock and change the end, I am sorry that you have had the experience too, but glad to know that we have so much in common, maybe we can make someone else's life better for it...
A very sad one Betty, one that I can relate to sadley. I know of three people who commited suicide, one was a normal guy who looked like everyone else, I would never have thought he would do this. Another was a close friend, I was out with him two weeks beforehand.......still don't know why. The third was a friend who was also a pop star, I knew him for years and saw him a couple of months before, he was saddened deeply about his mothers death, I think that pushed him over the ever looming edge.
There is nothing anyone can do about people who are going to do this, they show no signs at times.
I think it's cathartic to write down your feelings so eloquently, Betty. 11 years ago still haunts me, too. He was a wonderful brother, with a great sense of humor. I was angry for a long time, and also, felt very guilty, for "the part I had in his death", (which was zip). You may be right. Try getting angry with him now, rant, rave, and write...you've missed one of Kubler-Ross's stages, and you're supposed to feel angry, so maybe you're stuck at denial! Take care big sis, love, Bunny
Thank you. It takes forever to be able to put it into words, and they are inadequate at best. I have lost more than one friend this way, it is incomprehensible. I only felt great sadness and never anger (maybe that is a form of denial).
This must have been a hard one to write about. Death, in and of itself, is hard to deal with. When it's someone's choice to die, it must be even harder. Jackie
Very strong, well written poem to a tragic choice. I've dealt with suicide both professionally and personally - both the after affects and with the person who is choosing suicide. It is beyond words how difficult it is to be a survivour of someone's choice to end life. And how confusing it feels. And its difficult to describe the anger one feels inside towards the person who successfully chooses suicide.
Welcome !
