Nihal Singh Goes to America
Age Rating: 7 +
Back to USA
Having spent about two months in his home town, Nihal Singh went back to USA. His wife and son stayed back for a few more days. Nihal Singh was all alone in his house. One day he realized that he had married in haste, for he had begun comparing his wife’s beauty with the other known women in his neighbourhood.
In the evenings he began to go out for some fun. After about two months his wife came back and she noticed this change in Nihal Singh. She was annoyed but she did not disclose her feelings. Sometimes her voice said everything. Nihal Singh knew this but he ignored the indications.
One evening Nihal Singh entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double martini on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, and then ordered the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finished that, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender said to him, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
Nihal Singh smiled and said, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."
Nihal Singh carried on with his married life, sometimes, passing remarks on the body parts of his wife.
One evening when he came back home he was a little drunk. His wife informed him that she wanted to have plastic surgery to enlarge her breasts.
Nihal Singh said to her, "Hey, you don't need surgery to do that. I know how to do it without surgery."
The wife said, "How do I do it without surgery?"
"Just rub toilet paper between them."
Startled the wife said, "How does that make them bigger?"
"I don't know, but it worked for your ass."
Such was the hidden humour in my good friend’s every word he spoke. I know that he is really a person with a very good heart, but not hundred percent immune to the outside influences. Being a man he was wont to find the things which were missing in his wife in other women.
A few days after the narrated incident, one day Nihal Singh decided to take his wife for a ride.
They were driving down the road when a cop pulled them over.
The cop said to Nihal Singh, "Do you know that you were speeding?"
Nihal Singh replied, "No sir, I didn't know I was speeding."
Nihal Singh’s wife then yelled, "Yes you did, you knew you were speeding I've been telling you to slow down for miles."
"SHUT UP!" Nihal Singh said to his wife, "Shut the hell up, just sit back and be quite."
Then the cop said, "Well, since I've got you pulled over, did you know that the tag on your license plate is expired?"
"No Sir" Nihal Singh replied, "I did not know that"
"WHATEVER!" His wife yelled, "I've been telling you to go get it up to date for 2 whole months now!"
"Shut up" Nihal Singh yelled to his wife again! "Sit back and shut up, mind your own business!"
Curios, the cop walked over to the woman's side of the car and asked her, "Does he always talk to you this way?"
"No" Nihal Singh’s wife replied, “Only when he's drinking!"
Nihal Singh’s son was growing rapidly to be a typical Indian American boy. He was fluent in English but he faltered while speaking Hindi or Punjabi. Nihal Singh was very happy to see the Americanization of his son. He wanted to impress people back home when he would go back to India after three or four years.
He did not know why Christmas was celebrated but he copied all the acts which the neighbouring families did.
A few days after Christmas, Nihal Singh’s wife was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell "All you sons of bitches, who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of bitches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving".
The mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language.”
Two hours later, the son came out of his room and continued playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, "All passengers who are disembarking the train please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today".
He paused for a while and then continued, "For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen."
Nihal Singh had brought his son a bicycle on the occasion of Christmas. The son was very happy riding his bicycle all over the locality. He would take his bicycle and disappear for hours.
Next morning after the Christmas a cop on horseback was sitting at a traffic light, and next to him was Nihal Singh’s son on his brand new bike.
The cop said to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid said, "Yeah."
The cop said, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeded to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid took the ticket and before the cop rode off said, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop said, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid said,” Well, next year, tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
Nihal Singh’s son unlike Nihal Singh was not beautifully simple and innocent. He was a trouble for the neighbourhood. He was outspoken and often used offensive language.
One day a well dressed business man was walking down the street when Nihal Singh’s son covered in soot said to him respectfully, "Sir, can you tell me the time?"
The portly man stopped, carefully unbuttoned his coat and jacket, removed a large watch from a vest pocket, looked at it and said, "It is a quarter to three, young man."
"Thanks," said the boy. "At exactly three o'clock you can kiss my ass." With that, the kid took off running, and with an angry cry, the outraged businessman started chasing him.
He had not been running long when Nihal Singh stopped him.
"Why are you running like this at your age?" asked Nihal Singh.
Gasping and almost incoherent with fury, the business man said, "That little brat asked me the time and when I told him it was quarter to three he told me that at exactly three, I should kiss his ass!"
"So what's your hurry," said Nihal Singh, "You still have ten minutes."
Nihal Singh’s marriage with his wife was sudden and incidental. He did not want to marry at that time but he was forced to do so.
One night his wife awoke during the night to find that Nihal Singh was not in their bed.
She put on her robe and went downstairs to look for him. She found him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front him. He appeared deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watched as he wiped a tear from his eye and took a sip of coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispered as she stepped into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
Nihal Singh looked up, "Do you remember 5 years ago when we were in the sugarcane fields, and you were so beautifully shy?" he asked solemnly.
The wife was touched thinking her husband was so caring and sensitive.
"Yes, I do," she replied.
Nihal Singh paused. The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when you father caught us in that sugarcane field?"
"Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
Nihal Singh continued..."Do you remember when he shoved a double-barrel gun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 5 years".
"I remember that too", she replied softly.
Nihal Singh wiped another tear from his cheek and said... "I would have gotten out today!"
The American colour that Nihal Singh had acquired was permanently there to go down the memory lane and think what he could have done differently to make his life much better. It is not as though he was not happy, but something was missing. His knowledge had been drastically increased but he found that his wife still carried that Indian rural touch, though she pretended to be different. Nihal Singh never took her along to the parties where his American friends came with their wives or girl friends. He felt that he would be humiliated if his wife accompanied him. This feeling of inferiority on the part of his wife was a constant worry in his mind. She tried to dominate him in every possible way because she had the blood of her landlord father from Punjab. He silently bore all the curses.
When Nihal Singh was tired of being bossed around by his wife, he went to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home.
He had finished the book by the time he reached his house.
The man stormed into the house and walked up to his wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The funeral director," said his wife.
Such was the plight of my good friend Nihal Singh. Anyway, the life continued and many more adventures were waiting for him. He never complained to anybody and kept everything in his heart. He would be jealous of his American friends who rarely married but enjoyed the bliss of being together with their fairy like girlfriends. Nihal Singh in his dreams often found himself in the company of a white girl. When he opened his eyes, his wife would be standing over his bed, staring at him like an angry warden.