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The Monster In Me

by Amanda Zurenda (Age: 25)
copyright 01-17-2011

Age Rating: 18 +

Midnight dreary blackness descends upon me, writhing into my veins.

I can feel you in my mind as I tremble from shared pain.

Somehow you've fallen for me, so willingly offering all your affections.

But as I've learned, I am dangerous, keep your happiness away from my unintentional dissections.

Understand, this was not planned, I didn't mean for this to take place.

But I should have told you the risks before you, when you first smiled, but now it is that I will break.

Call me prideful, boastful, irrational, whatever you all must to make these words false.

Let it evolve into something more, for it shall protect you from the loathsome creature behind these walls.

Long, deadly claws made of smiles and sweet words, I watch them, as helpless as you.

I cannot control this, this should not exist, and yet I see these claws shred right through you.

With your absence of fulfilled affection, you are bitter against me.

You form your own weapons forged from hurt and lost trust, and you vengefully begin attacking.

But understand, it was not my decision to banish you to such pain.

It seems all this time I've been connecting, I was just a trap from this greedy beast, living in me with disdain.

The monster thrives on our pain, such that quakes our exterior until you rampage, unleashed.

Not content until both of us shatter, it feeds off the anger injected by the syringe that is me.

You've opened yourselves to me, and I have taken advantage.

The devourer of souls in me takes this opportunity, and now it is your heart it shall ravage.

You strike your verbal critical blows that bring me to tears, for by me you've been marred.

I am responsible and I should have done more, so you are just in your revenge, you may leave me scarred.

In my strong longing to defend you from such emotions, there is this creature lurking.

Behind my every kind word and smile, it adds to the victim count, a rate already obscene.

So I beg of you don't fall for this, don't fall for me, this face, this personality.

Despite my efforts against the monster, I've claimed each of my victims, and they've each claimed a scar on me.

If words I give are less than kind, or if I serve you silence, just try to understand.

I am protecting you, as well as myself, though I know none of you will comprehend.

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