Sometimes I sit here and just feel the breeze pass over my body,
and I think maybe your waiting for me to tell you something other then me
just sitting here silently. If only I could have met you, why couldn’t you have waited until after I was born? Why did you have to go to heaven? God doesn't need you as much as I do.

Sometimes I get so mad because you left me here with all these people, all these people who are missing you, all these people that always talk about you. You left a feud behind with me in the middle. Couldn’t you have waited? Then maybe everyone would be different. Maybe grammie would be happier and mom wouldn’t be so depressed...and auntie...well that's a different story... I don’t know if you would really be able to help her now...now that her daddy has passed away. Maybe you know him? Maybe he is here right now listing, thinking of a way to help? Oh how I hope he could help us now...

I finally did it. I told her, I told her I wanted to be in the military. I need to feel like I’m something, I feel like there is a greater purpose for my life and I so desperately want to be like you. I don’t know you, but I feel like you are always around you know? When I am alone and sad I just think of how great it would be if I could meet you even if it was only once.

I think this is why I became a writer, in stories I get to write the plot, I get to control what happens next. To set the fate of a character is a wonderful feeling because you know nothing bad will every happen to that person. And I just wish that character could have of been you.