| |
Living in a large metropolitan city is always an adventure. Daily, merely by walking a few blocks downtown, we’re offered the opportunity to visit one of the world’s largest, most unique zoos. Of course, the fauna aren’t encumbered by physical restraints of any sort, so one might be well-advised to exercise a little caution and common sense along with the extremities… and the mouth.
Some may resent the implication that humans should be considered in the same frame of reference as other animals, insofar as zoos are concerned. I suppose this is justifiable and perhaps even laudable, but if the evidence is scrutinized from a non-judgmental point of view, it is an unnecessary consideration. We make these sorts of assessments on a daily basis, actually; we just don’t acknowledge it.
Yesterday, I encountered a rather unkempt young guy who was approaching passing pedestrians, attempting to engage one or another in conversation, always to be denied as they merely kept walking. I don’t condemn a single one of those who chose to avoid him, but since I had a few extra minutes to kill, I thought it might be of some small entertainment value to find out what he would do if confronted.
I grabbed him by the arm as he attempted to get another man’s attention. “Hey, pal, got change for a lira? I’m trying to get to the Colosseum to see them feed the lions…”
Of course, since I don’t live in Rome, or in the First Century A.D., I thought the premise ridiculous enough to gain a grin, at least.
The young man grabbed my sleeve and pulled me out of the pedestrian traffic flow. “Today is your lucky day, man, I can change it for you, no problem. Hey! Let me look at you for a second… hmmmm… yea, you look like just the sort of dude who’d appreciate my special talents. Step into my office, over here.”
At this point, I wasn’t sure whether to run or call a cop. He seemed to sense my sudden discomfort. “Whoa… slow down, I’m not a perv or a mugger… I’m a businessman.” Yea… you're a businessman… What’re you selling, wolfbane?
“Uh-huh, well, I’m really not in the market for--’’
“What? Not in the market? How do you know? Tell me what you’re not in the market for!” His hands were now on his hips and his demeanor could only be described as indignant.
“Well, I… I mean, it’s not exactly that I’--”
“Listen, you think I haven’t met your type before?” He was starting to pace, making small concentric circles around me, now, his hands gesticulating wildly. In hindsight, I think he was erecting a force field of some sort to keep me from leaving. “You have no idea how much you need what I’m selling!”
At this point, he stopped, and I was grateful. I was getting a little dizzy and nauseous from the spinning. His indignation was magically transformed into a deep, abiding hurt; absolutely crestfallen by the possibility that I could somehow not be interested. His silence compelled me to speak.
“Well, I suppose I could take a look at something…” I offered.
His arms were now crossed in front of him. “No, I don’t think you’re the slightest bit interested in what I have to say!” With that, he turned his back and did his very best to emulate Julius Caesar’s pathos upon realizing Brutus’ betrayal.
I wasn’t about to let him get away with this… “No, I AM interested…”
The little swindler turned to face me again. “Really…”
Apparently unsatisfied that I was sincere, he said, “Oh, you’ll just make fun of me and call me a fool…”
Now this idiot was going to make me beg him… I swear, if I hadn’t been trapped inside that force field, I’d have walked away right then!
“What do you want from me, a kidney? Look… I’m getting a little tired of all this, what are you selling?”
“Okay… I’m a purveyor of smiles. I can hook you up with a chortle, a giggle or a grin, you just tell me what you want. In fact, for one small price, one highly-discounted lump sum, I’ll get you the whole package!”
This guy’s grin was now as big as Freddy The Freeloader’s. As I stood making eye contact with him, I knew I was defeated. Try as I might to keep from it, suddenly I was grinning like a kid who'd just caught his first glimpse of the neighbor girl's boobie.
He held out his hand and said, “That’ll be one dollar, please.”
Now it was my turn to sigh. Realizing I’d never get to leave until I did so, I reached into my wallet and, to my chagrin, found nothing smaller than a five-dollar bill.
Pulling it out, I said, “I don’t suppose you’d have change for a five, would you?”
Before I could find out, he’d snatched it and made it disappear. “No… unless, of course, you’d like it in lira.” Again, he grinned and turned to walk away. Then he stopped and looked over his shoulder.
“But look at it this way… now you can smile tomorrow without worrying about me suing you for balances accrued!”
There are zoos and then there are zoos. I wonder when feeding time is. He didn't turn off his force field and with all the excitement, I’m getting hungry!
|
Help Us Stop Plagiarism -
Nearly all works at PnP are original. However a few people choose to plagiarize.
To check, choose a phrase from the work, then either drag and drop to the search box or copy and paste.
click on search and works at Google will be shown which match. Just to be sure, please do this before
you recommend or rate the work highly...
|
 |
|
|
|
Select a Random Work
from Stories
|
|
Welcome !
